


Fire

by servatia83



Series: The Elements [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Andorian, F/M, M/M, Post-Generations, Tellarite, Teresh-Kah, VSA, Vulcan, Vulcan Science Academy, covenant, ts8m
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5756170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servatia83/pseuds/servatia83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their previous mission, Kirk and the others are finally sent to Vulcan - not only for their own good, but with a vague mission that just doesn't seem right. Last part of my Elements-series. Again, the first three are not required for understanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cargo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((As before, I’ll see that this is understandable without the first parts, but it is meant as the fourth and last part.))
> 
> Previously on The Elements (scroll down if you don't need it):
> 
> Air  
> Long after Jim’s death on Veridian III (ST:VII), Spock starts to sense a mental call for help from him. He asks an aged Dr. McCoy to follow him into the blue and lands them on the planet Dainam, which is in a state of occupation. Meeting the local rebellion led by the Vulcan psychologist T’Kray, who crashed there decades ago, they also find Jim Kirk in a comatose state.  
> Unable to leave the shield-protected planet, they need to help the rebellion before they can leave. They regain their youth in an obscure bacteria-induced ritual and do their best to escape before the ultimate escalation takes place.
> 
> Earth  
> After escaping Dainam, Spock, McCoy, and T’Kray decide to return to Starfleet. Their long absence from the service prompts them all to voluntarily take a so-called foreign rank evaluation: one year of training before they return to active duty. Jim is placed in engineering, Spock in science, and the other two in the medical department of the Cristóbal de Morales space station.  
> While people on the planet below start to vanish mysteriously, those on the space station commit random acts of sabotage they do not remember. It is only after a horrible accident they understand the two problems are linked.
> 
> Water  
> As a reward for their success on the Cristóbal de Morales space station, Admiral Ndaga decides their training is complete – after all, they did not have to take the evaluation in the first place. Jim is given command of the USS Covenant and sent to Driin, a planet covered almost entirely by water, to re-establish contact with both the human settlers and the native water-dwellers. On the bottom of the ocean they discover a murderous conspiracy led by a Romulan spy who calls himself Tilak, a drug that opens the mind to suggestion, and natives that do not understand the concept of contradiction or self-defence.

‘Our task,’ Jim said to the conference room, ‘is very simple. Pick up three scientists from the Karon space station and ship them to Vulcan. Seeing how two of the scientists will reach the space station after us, we can use the time prior to their arrival for a visit or two.’ He smiled. ‘I know that this seems to be beneath a space ship, but it is actually a favour to me and some of my senior officers. We will spend a few days in orbit around Vulcan. A few days I asked for a while ago.’

‘We’re sure we’re getting those few days?’

Jim grinned at his CMO. ‘I … trust Admiral Ndaga.’ He shrugged. ‘I want to remind you all … and I’ll extend this reminder to the rest of the crew … that while Vulcans are hard to offend, I want to hear no complaint about your behaviour while they are on board or we are on Vulcan.’ His gaze lingered a moment longer on Lieutenant Blanik. ‘They will be very interested in everything they can lay their eyes on. Medical and science departments especially, I want you to let them have their way as far as safety protocols allow.’

‘I don’t want them poking around my sickbay,’ Bones growled.

‘I doubt they will, Len. If they do, leave them to me.’

‘Thank you, Counsellor,’ Jim said to T’Kray, who offered a nod. ‘Bones … don’t antagonise them. You’re aware you want something from Vulcan.’

‘Nothing they can deny me and not from those scientists. I’m dealing with sensitive data. I can’t allow anyone looking through that. They can knock themselves out in the lab, but not in my files they won’t.’

‘Fair enough. Questions?’

‘Yeah. Why us? I mean … I get that this is Ndaga helping us out, but still. I bet there’s more than that to it.’

‘Well, this is where things get shifty. And while everything I’ve said so far is known to the rest of the ship, the next bit is just for the senior staff. These scientists have been trained by the Vulcan Science Academy. They have studied there, worked there, and have later left Vulcan. Stal taught at Starfleet Academy and is a neurologist. He’s already on the space station and probably helping where needed. Sinek is an oncologist, T’Lin an expert on molecular biology. I haven’t the faintest idea where those two were working so far. What I do know is that they have been recalled by the VSA. I do not know why.’ He frowned. ‘Spock, T’Kray … why would that happen? Did they do something un-Vulcan and were deemed a threat to Vulcan dignity?’

‘I doubt that,’ Spock said quietly. ‘If they had given offence it would not be the Academy that is summoning them.’

McCoy leaned forwards. ‘They’re all scientists, all in a more or less medical branch. I think it’ll have more to do with that.’

‘Wouldn’t the VSA have more such people?’

Spock nodded. ‘They would. I do not know if the VSA has ever recalled staff before.’

‘They do occasionally,’ T’Kray said. ‘In fact … I got the message too. It was forwarded to me today by Starfleet command.’

Jim felt anger surge in his chest. ‘They can’t, you’re my Counsellor,’ he said sharply.

T’Kray answered with a slight smile. ‘Indeed. And Starfleet told them as much. They also told them that we are coming anyway. You may receive a request to linger.’

‘So to a group of more or less medical scientists I’ll add a psychologist of all things. Any idea why?’

She shrugged. ‘No. Sorry. However, it seems … disconcerting. Psychology was never a subject the VSA valued overly much.’ Her smile became more pronounced. ‘Imagine a psychologist poking around in the unconscious of some of my people and finding – oh shock! – emotions they rather deny than control. Perish the thought. So you can imagine they were very vague.’

‘How very unusual for Vulcans,’ McCoy muttered, but T’Kray shook her head.

‘They’re only vague when things get ugly, Len. I don’t like it.’ She sighed and raised her hands. ‘Well, I don’t know. If they want me of all people, there must be a problem. You see, not only is psychology very unnecessary for the VSA, it’s also that it’s me. There isn’t a whole lot of Vulcan psychologists, but I’m by no means the only one in the quadrant. My take on Surak, my publications from years ago, my attitude … If I’m the lesser evil, there must be something serious afoot.’


	2. Flat Backgrounds and Little Need to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((That chapter heading is not something I wanted to happen. I tried to find something else. I really did. This is a line from the R.E.M.-song The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite, and I can’t for the hell of it find anything else.))

As any other Vulcan, T’Kray was strongly convinced that being on leave meant doing nothing. She would also say that she didn’t need vacations because sleep and meditation were sufficient for her to recuperate. The reason why she decided to visit the space station was something very different: She wanted to talk to the one scientist who was already there and maybe find out what was going on. Perhaps he knew more than she did, and perhaps he would share.

Leonard knew she had an agenda the moment she agreed to go, and T’Kray didn’t try to deny it. So when she, Leonard and James beamed down to the space station, he waved her good-bye, no doubt in search for a bar with his friend in tow, while she looked for one particular person, preferably without alerting him to her in advance. Spock, in the meantime stayed aboard and in temporary command of the ship. Since the Karon space station wasn’t meant for leisure time, there were no excessively luxurious rooms that could invite them to sleep down here, so no-one was tempted to call this brief stop a shore leave.

Locating a resident without them knowing meant she couldn’t ask anyone. Therefore, T’Kray might have to gain access to a computer. Aside from sneaking in somewhere, that could be done by offering help while they were docked. The most likely place to run into Stal was sickbay. That way, she might be spared looking through files to find him. The good thing was that the Karon space station didn’t currently house a psychologist. Chances were, she was allowed to help out in the meantime. The previous counsellor had left, the next one would arrive in a month, and for now, she’d offer to step in.

T’Kray had expected something like the sickbay on the Morales space station, where she had worked a while ago. The small, almost dingy place came as a surprise. The Morales, she reminded herself, had been built for research. Of course the facilities there were the highest standard. The people, in part, had not been, but the CMO was a brilliant man and one she had come to respect during her time there.

Barely inside, T’Kray was cornered by a nurse. ‘Help you?’ the woman barked.

Raising one eyebrow, T’Kray stared down at her. ‘I wish to speak to the chief medical officer.’

‘He’s currently unavailable. If you don’t mind, we’ve got a lot of work at the moment. Come back later, unless this is an emergency.’ The woman had an accent not unlike Leonard’s, but while in him she found it endearing, in this nurse it sounded uncouth.

Reminding herself firmly that sickbay staff had to deal with a lot of pressure at the best of times, T’Kray checked the impulse to answer in the same tone and spoke in a quiet, if slightly aloof voice. ‘I came to offer help. I understand that you do not currently have a psychologist. When can I speak to your CMO to offer my services for the time that we are here?’

‘How long’s that?’

‘At least a week.’

‘He’ll love that. Can you wait? He’ll be here in a while, might be a couple of hours.’

‘Of course.’

‘Look … Sorry I snapped at you, but we’ve got a bit of a situation on our hands and … well.’

T’Kray waved her away. ‘I understand. Please do not let me deter you. I shall wait here.’

ϡ

‘So. We’re actually going to Vulcan,’ Leonard said, his tone quiet. ‘Can you believe it, Jim?’

The other man’s eyes were on his face, studying him. ‘Second thoughts, Bones?’

‘Would be a bit late for that,’ Leonard said sagely. ‘No. Quite the contrary. No-one can separate us after that. It’ll be official.’ A slow frown formed as he thought of Jim’s question again. ‘Why would you ask even?’

‘Because,’ Jim said in a slightly guarded voice, ‘you haven’t known each other for such a long time. You cautioned me about Spock, and we’ve been around each other for decades.’

Leonard looked at his drink as if he could find the answer there. ‘You’re not me.’

‘That’s not much of an explanation.’

‘No. But … Remember Jocelyn?’

‘I met her only a couple of times, Bones. I don’t remember much except that you were frightened at your wedding and she was impatient.’

Leonard looked back up and nodded. ‘Yes! Exactly. I was scared to death by the thought of marrying her. You were there, you know! This is different. I was scared at first, too, but of the mind-thing, not the bond-thing. As in permanent.’

‘Jocelyn hated me,’ Jim said with the thrilled expression of someone who just found the cure for every disease in the universe.

‘Jocelyn hated herself more than anything.’ Leonard blinked. ‘I don’t want to think of her. If I think of her I’ll think of Joanna and then I’ll cry.’ Fathers weren’t supposed to outlive their daughters, he thought darkly. This was all wrong.

‘So how’d you know you’re not going to fall in love with someone?’ Jim asked. ‘I know because I tried and couldn’t. Couldn’t get Spock out of my head. Like ever.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Know what that’s like, when you’re in bed with someone and can’t for the life of you stop thinking of the one you really love?’

Leonard glared at him. ‘No, I don’t know what that’s like. And I must say it’s really unfair.’ Jim had the grace to look ashamed. Leonard made good use of the moment, returning to what he’d planned to say before. ‘I knew. I knew this is big. I wasn’t scared by that. I was scared then because I wasn’t sure. Of her, of myself, anything. But T’Kray … I mean, I still don’t get what she sees in me. Jim, what is it? Why me?’

‘You respect life, you’re caring, open, and most of all, you love her, I’d say.’

‘Still, what are the odds of a Vulcan falling for a human?’

‘Ask Spock. I’m sure he can answer. Other than that … You know … I’ve been wondering about that too. Why me, I mean.’

Leonard made a non-committal sound and shrugged. ‘So … what’ll it be like? Did Spock say?’

‘No. Didn’t ask. Vulcan … I don’t know. I’ve had my share of Vulcan weddings you’d think.’ Leonard burst into loud and unexpected laughter. Jim, trying to hush him, started laughing himself. ‘Ah, Bones, I think we should … you know … go. We’re done.’

‘Really?’

‘Really. Anyway, I don’t think this’ll be much of a ceremony. Just a Vulcan … you know, asking us if we’re bonded and making an official entry for Starfleet.’ Jim left with decisive steps and Leonard followed, focussing on walking in a straight line.

When something occurred to him, he stopped abruptly. ‘Jim?’

Jim stopped and looked at him, blinking. ‘Hmm?’

‘They’ll be mad at us. They don’t get drunk and all that.’

‘No.’

‘Jim, what if she regrets it?’

‘Because you’re drunk?’

‘No. Yes. At all. Ever.’ With a few steps Jim was there and hugged him. Hard.

‘Don’t be a fool. She won’t.’ Leonard was unconvinced and apparently looked the part, because Jim flung an arm around his shoulder and steered him on. ‘You think she’d risk being tied to someone she’s not sure about?’ Leonard felt slightly awkward, being dragged along by a friend who was himself listing slightly, and tried to break away. He succeeded only in bringing them both to a stumbling halt. ‘Bones. She can see your mind. She knows you’re sure. And you know she’s sure. That’s the brandy worrying, not you.’

‘I hope she’s not mad. I don’t know what to do if she’s mad. So far she’s never been.’

Jim smiled slightly. ‘’Course not, she’s a Vulcan. Spock hasn’t, either, but I have. A bit.’

‘What happened?’

Jim frowned. ‘He thought I was leaving. Bones, he hurt me with that. Don’t ask her if she wants you gone. That’ll hurt her, too.’

Slowly, Leonard nodded. ‘I’d know, wouldn’t I?’

‘Yes. Unless she’d be shielding. But she’s not.’

Suddenly, a grin formed on Leonard’s face. ‘So. We’re actually going to Vulcan. Can you imagine it?’

Jim’s answer was a guffaw followed by a long-suffering sigh.

ϡ

‘Name?’ Doctor Lunders asked, staring at his PADD rather than her.

‘T’Kray.’

‘Rank?’

‘Lieutenant.’

‘Why the hell?’

‘I do not require leave. When I heard you might need assistance, I decided to offer.’

‘I contacted my old friend Mamad. He says you want something.’

T’Kray allowed a small smile to show on her face. ‘Doctor Rasul is over-analysing,’ she stated. ‘I am aware that there are fundamental differences between the work on a space station and on a star ship. If someone is transferred from one to the other, especially not by choice, I want to be able to understand the difficulties they might be facing.’

‘You’re the counsellor on the Covenant. Kirk’s ship.’

‘Yes.’

‘Very well. I’d be a fool to refuse. We’ve had an accident. One of our scientists got careless, took her work home into her quarters and freaked out when one of her kids got injured. Started blaming everyone except herself. I, frankly, don’t know how to talk to her.’ He leaned forwards. ‘I need her to understand that she can’t put her work before her kids like that. Get that into her head.’

‘Where is she now?’ T’Kray asked.

Doctor Lunders made an impatient gesture to a room off to the left. ‘Isolation. Sedated. She’ll come around in a little while. If you don’t succeed, I’ll have her removed from the space station. You can tell her that, too.’

T’Kray nodded. ‘Very well. Doctor … I wonder, do you have a place where I can be left undisturbed for about ten minutes? I’ve got a situation of my own at the moment and it was rather … unexpected.’

If Lunders was confused by her request, he hid it well. ‘Lab B is empty.’

‘Thank you.’

ϡ

Under normal circumstances, the bond had no impact on Spock’s ability to focus. Right now, he could sense Jim’s moot attempt to shield him. It was rather intriguing. He knew how Jim beat, so sensing him in general was no distraction. When Jim, for whatever reason, did shield, he noticed it and might worry if that happened unannounced. But the constant flickering in and out of his awareness was a challenge.

It wasn’t hard to imagine why this was happening. On the one hand, his mate was well aware that his drunken state might be difficult for him to handle, so he shielded. Also due to this state, he started missing their link very quickly and dropped the shield again. Spock shook himself firmly and resisted the temptation to shut Jim out himself. He didn’t want to alarm him. He’d talk to him and hope that if Jim ever got drunk again he’d remember. Dealing with a drunken bondmate wasn’t a problem. This distraction, however, was something between amusing and enervating. That two of the bridge crew were having a row didn’t help, either.

‘There is no need to alter the …’

‘You heard what I said, didn’t you?’ Blau’s voice cut across Melav.

‘I heard, but as I said …’

‘Silence,’ Spock said firmly. Both looked at him. ‘Blau … please wait for me in the small conference room. Melav … this is the second time you interrupted a senior officer in my presence. You will learn to control yourself if you wish to remain in Starfleet.’ For a moment it looked as if Melav would protest, but then he thought better of it. ‘You may go and ponder this in your quarters. Dismissed.’ Daring the Tellarite to argue, Spock stared down at him until he stalked away.

‘Sir, there is a call from the station,’ a gentle voice said behind him. ‘They wish to know if there is anyone wanting to stay overnight. They close the transporter room at 2300 hours and there are still three of our people there.’

Spock considered for a moment. ‘Please tell them that if these three individuals decide to come aboard we shall beam them up, assuming they are capable of contacting us.’

‘Sir?’

‘Tell them we will see that they arrive safely, Lieutenant.’ He heard her relay his answer and almost felt her eyes boring into his back.

‘Sir … May I ask who is still on the station? Mr Blanik said everyone’s back.’

‘Of his department, he should have said.’ Spock made a mental note to remind Blanik that he had to be more precise. ‘The Captain and Doctor McCoy are still there. So is, I believe, the Counsellor.’ He called Niall Doherty to the bridge, albeit reluctantly. Sitting here, on the bridge, while they were docked was the perfect task while the emotional battering lasted. But he had ordered Blau away and needed to speak to her. When the lift opened and revealed Doherty, he stood. ‘Doherty, you have the conn. Zh’Rane … if you could follow me for a moment.’

Blau was waiting patiently where he had sent her, looking rather worried. Spock took a moment to contemplate her before sitting across from her. He gestured Zh’Rane to the seat beside the science officer. ‘Lieutenant Commander Blau, I have a question and I expect an honest answer. Can you handle Melav?’

‘He won’t listen to anyone, Sir.’

‘That … is simply not an option. He must. He obeys Captain Kirk and me, and he seems to offer little to no resistance to Doctor McCoy.’ Leaning forwards, he stared at the human until she made eye-contact. ‘Lieutenant Zh’Rane has told me more than once that there seems to be a gap that is impossible to bridge between you and him. She has said the same to you herself and offered to mediate. So did T’Kray. Have you accepted their help?’

Blau glared at him. ‘I must be able to deal with him myself.’

Spock leaned back. ‘Why?’

‘I am … If he’s on my shift, I can’t rely on them to save me.’

‘How often has that been the case?’

Blau thought for a moment. ‘Once.’

‘Once. I am responsible for the duty rosters. I attempt to avoid that situation as far as I am able. I need you to learn to deal with him when someone else sits on the chair. When that works, you can progress from there.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Zh’Rane, what is your observation?’ He had warned the Andorian in advance that he was planning to ask her to speak her mind in front of the other woman and had her agreement. Still, she was clearly uncomfortable.

‘Lieutenant Commander Blau has never provoked anyone, and the only person raising objections is Ensign Melav. I also notice that Melav doesn’t usually argue that much with others.’

‘Do you have any idea why?’

When she answered, Zh’Rane looked at him rather than Blau. ‘It seems that Lieutenant Commander Blau is already waiting for him to challenge her and might make an insecure impression on him.’

‘I’m head of sciences,’ Blau said sharply. ‘Sir,’ she added as an afterthought.

‘And yet, with all others you work well,’ Spock told her. ‘Find your way with him. Talk to T’Kray if you need guidance. I am certain she can provide you with ideas how to approach him.’ He rose, his fingertips resting on the table. ‘The reason why I am telling you this is because you have shown leadership qualities before and I would recommend you to consider a career in the command division. If that is something you are willing to contemplate, try yourself on Melav.’ At the door, he stopped. ‘If you do not hear from everyone missing before your shift is over, please contact me, Lieutenant Zh’Rane. Better yet, just have Blanik locate them and beam them up without warning. Captain Kirk’s instructions were quite clear and there were no exceptions. Good night.’ Even before the door closed behind Spock, he knew he’d never let it come to that, at least where the two humans were concerned.


	3. See Me in Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is a song by Delain and it fits in two places.))

Spock had half expected to have to urge Jim to return and bring McCoy with him, so when the door to their cabin opened and his bondmate stepped inside, he was relieved. ‘I did not expect you to return so soon,’ he told him. Despite the smile Jim gave him, Spock felt his insecurity, strong and almost overwhelming. Now that he was here, Spock decided to do as he had half wanted before and shield.

He barely had his defence up when the smile tumbled from Jim’s face. ‘Are you angry, Spock? Please don’t be. I’ll make up for it.’

Spock raised an eyebrow at him and kept his shield firmly in place. ‘I am not angry. I am … beset.’ Angry or not, Spock had intended to let Jim struggle a little, but he found himself unable. He walked over to him and held him, his hands smoothing over his back in a gentle caress. ‘Your attempts to shield were well-meant, but the repeated removal was challenging.’ He took Jim by his shoulders and pushed him far enough away to look at him. ‘Has Leonard returned with you?’ Jim nodded and buried his face in Spock’s shoulder again. Spock sighed and manoeuvred him to the bed. ‘I believe you need rest.’

Jim lay down with no resistance. ‘I believe you’re right, first officer,’ he answered, eyes already half closed and the smile back in place, this time without the hint of anxiety.

Spock shook his head slightly, partly at Jim, partly at himself and his lack of determination, and placed a kiss on Jim’s lips. ‘Good night, beloved. I shall be with you in a while.’ He tugged the boots from Jim’s feet and stripped him down to his briefs before covering him with the blanket. The human had already fallen asleep when he was finished. Spock walked back to the computer and contacted the space station, requesting that T’Kray stop whatever she was doing and return to the ship. In the meantime, he would try to locate Leonard. Chances were that he was in a similar state or worse. If it was the latter and he needed medical attention, Spock did not want to risk waiting for T’Kray’s return.

As it turned out, Leonard was quite chipper – certainly drunk but rather cheerful and perhaps a little less wasted. ‘Hey, Spock,’ he said when Spock found him in his quarters. ‘Checking if I’m in any danger of passing out in the corridors? Don’t you worry.’

‘Since this behaviour is uncommon in you and Jim, my concern is, at least, limited.’

Leonard squinted at him. ‘What’s wrong? Something’s wrong, and don’t try to deny it. I know you.’

‘I believe this is not the time.’

‘Depends. If you just want to talk, why not? Trust me, I’ve been worse. And I don’t think I can sleep now anyway.’ He took a step closer, gazing at Spock as if trying to read his thoughts from his forehead. ‘If you’re worried about Jim, he’ll be fine. Maybe he’ll be sick, but I don’t even think so.’

‘I did not believe that his state is threatening,’ Spock answered, sizing Leonard up. He was in better shape than Jim, so maybe it made sense to speak to him. The worst that could happened was that Spock had to say it again the next day. ‘But I do have something on my mind. Blanik spoke to me earlier. He is worried about Charika.’

Leonard growled. ‘He doesn’t like him, whatever he said wasn’t worry.’

‘I am uncertain. His concern seemed genuine.’ Spock sat down on one of the chairs. ‘Apparently Charika demanded to see his file, which is his right.’

Leonard’s face fell. ‘Oh no.’ The shock he displayed was out of proportion but not entirely unexpected. ‘And now what?’

‘Now he seemed distracted, alarmed even. I had a short conversation with him. Charika was not what one could call talkative. When he left, he asked me what trisomy 8 is.’

Leonard swore and buried his face in his hands. ‘Damn. Damn that patients can read their files. Damn the man for being so inquisitive!’ He glared at Spock. ‘What the hell did you tell him?’

‘Not much, since I did not know. I told him that you would answer his questions.’

Leonard sighed. ‘Yeah. Sure. Damn, Spock. I wanted … I thought if he didn’t know he wouldn’t get self-conscious and wouldn’t, you know …’

‘Doctor, I have done some research. Is he able to work on a starship?’

The glare Spock received could burn through a solid wall. ‘You know the man! It’s not that simple. Mosaicism! The one important word’s the one he doesn’t bother memorising.’ Spock’s eyebrows vanished behind his hairs. ‘Well, he doesn’t have it too bad. He has a few shortcomings, but as long as he doesn’t try communications no-one will ever notice.’

‘At any rate, he appeared to be frightened. Doctor, it is none of my business, but I feel that T’Kray should speak to him.’

Leonard shook his head slowly. ‘I’ll do that. She doesn’t know enough about it to get that particular bug back out of his head.’ He got to his feet, stared straight ahead for a few seconds, and sat back down. ‘But not today.’

‘Agreed. You should attempt to sleep, Leonard.’

McCoy looked miffed at that suggestion but shuffled to his bed anyway. ‘I will. Good night. And … thanks for seeing if I’m fine.’

ϡ

When T’Kray returned to the Covenant, she found Leonard fast asleep. Assuming that he wasn’t going to wake up if something exploded next to him, she didn’t try particularly hard not to disturb him. When she saw him stirring from the computer, she wondered if she had somehow transmitted anything on a telepathic level.

Judging from the way he approached her, he wasn’t entirely sure what she’d say. The bright blue eyes were large and almost pleading. ‘Hey,’ he said quietly. ‘I … I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘Oh, come on.’

Abandoning her look through her database, T’Kray went to stand in front of him. ‘Lenkam. I honestly don’t know what you are apologising for. We had no plans other than work on that station, so you can hardly think you disrupted them. You have returned safely and within the timeframe. This is the first time you are inebriated since I have met you, so I do not have to fear this will become a habit.’

‘I thought you might be mad. It’s a bit illogical to get drunk, don’t you think?’

‘Agreed.’ She shrugged. ‘You don’t fully understand why I meditate. I don’t fully understand this. It seems to serve a similar purpose.’

‘Well, I don’t plan to drink whenever you meditate,’ Leonard said with a grin.

T’Kray ran two fingers over his cheek. ‘And most of the time, you don’t even throw me out of my concentration.’

The smile on his face turned a little suggestive. ‘I try to avoid it, but when you sit all still and I start watching you it gets hard … not to stimulate you. Your mind, I mean.’ Amusement danced in his eyes as he bounced on the balls of his feet. His dialect was very pronounced, either because of the alcohol or because he knew that for some illogical reason she loved when he did that.

Shaking her head, T’Kray took Leonard’s face into both hands and looked at him. ‘Go back to sleep, ashayam. I’ll be with you soon.’

ϡ

Leonard awoke with a headache the size of Georgia. On the bedside table was a hypo and a note from T’Kray that she was going back to Karon. Ignoring the hypo, he walked to the computer and tried calling Jim and Spock’s quarters. It took a moment before a voice he only recognised as Jim’s because he’d known him for so long answered with little more than a grunt. They agreed on breakfast in the mess, although Jim tried to ask for a new head instead. Spock, too, was going to come so Leonard decided to take that hypo after all. Usually he considered hangovers a justified punishment and didn’t do anything about them, but if he had to face Spock, he’d rather get rid of it.

By the time they had eaten, Leonard felt like a human being again. ‘When are you back on duty, Jim?’

‘Tomorrow alpha shift. As are you.’

Leonard sighed. He hadn’t intended to work during his free time, but there was something he really didn’t want to postpone. ‘You got plans?’

‘Karon has a lot of traders in antiques and various food supplies the replicators can’t get right. I wanted to go there today.’

‘Can that wait till the afternoon? There’s something I’d like to do as soon as I can before I allow myself leisure time.’

‘Charika?’ Spock asked, and Leonard nodded. ‘I was uncertain if you would remember.’

Leonard huffed at him. ‘I wasn’t that drunk.’

Jim’s expression had darkened. ‘What about him? If this is about Blanik again …’

Leonard raised his hands. ‘Don’t crucify the man before you know he’s guilty. Charika knows what he’s got, and it must have upset him.’

‘What has he got?’

‘Nothing of any consequence,’ Leonard said in a tone that made it clear he wouldn’t be more forthcoming and rose. ‘Is he available now, Spock?’

‘He should be in engineering. But you can, of course, call him to sickbay, if you are willing to sacrifice your spare time.’

‘I am. Because in my spare time there’s someone else on call, so I might actually get to finish what I start.’

ϡ

T’Kray pretended not to notice the Vulcan who had just walked into sickbay. He didn’t have to know she had been watching for him. When she finally did look up as if sensing his stare, she raised an eyebrow. Raising her hand in the Vulcan salute, she spoke the words to go with it. ‘Live long and prosper, Stal. I am T’Kray.’

He didn’t blink, merely tilted his head to the side minutely. ‘The dissenter?’ His hands were firmly by his side as if he didn’t even consider returning the greeting.

‘I am not a dissenter.’ She managed to say that without raising her voice, but her heart sank a little. If this was how she was commonly referred to … but then, why would the VSA even want her?

‘How do you know who I am?’

‘I assumed there are not many Vulcans around here. I came with the USS Covenant.’

‘Ah. I see.’

‘Seeing how I’ve already run into you, do you mind me asking you something?’ Taking the absence of a rejection as an invitation, she continued. ‘Were you informed why you were asked to return to the VSA?’

‘I do not believe that I am to divulge whatever information I may have to you.’

Perhaps it was her bond to such an emotional man as Leonard, perhaps it was the fact that T’Kray had never truly denied herself emotions. Whatever it was, she had a hard time not narrowing her eyes and answering with a hiss. ‘I received the same request.’ She did narrow her eyes when she continued, but her voice remained even. ‘Since I am apparently not only a nonconformist but a dissenter,’ she said, lacing the last word with a small amount of venom, ‘and a psychologist to boot, I am confused. A pariah with a worthless area of study is of no use to the VSA.’

‘Agreed.’

For a moment, T’Kray was speechless. ‘Very well. I did not ask for this, Stal, and I will not be in your way. I refused. I can, you see.’

‘So on top of rejecting Surak’s wisdom you abandon your people when you are needed.’

‘Stal, you are not being very logical,’ she pointed out. Anger blazed in the dark eyes of the man standing in front of her. ‘You see, if I am so useless, it can hardly matter if I abandon anyone. Besides,’ she continued slightly louder when he was going to talk over her, ‘I cannot abandon anyone if I get no information.’

‘It is highly unlikely that I know more than you do,’ he grated.

‘I know only who was summoned. I do not know why. I cannot prepare anything. Stal, I do not reject Surak. I follow his words almost to the letter. I do it differently because I do not interpret his words in the conventional way.’

‘Which amounts to dissent.’

‘Negative. If that were the case they would hardly want me to come to Vulcan. I am not an exile, Stal.’

‘Not yet.’

‘Well, in this conversation I was not the one who displayed arrogance, discourtesy, and aggression.’ Deciding to push him some more just because she could, T’Kray smiled. Not much, but clearly visibly. The disgust on Stal’s face was even more satisfying than she had thought it would be. ‘Good day, Stal. I am certain we shall have an … interesting time working together.’ With that, she left him standing there to see to the woman still secluded in her private room.

ϡ

When Charika entered Leonard’s office, he looked more scared than he had ever seen the young man. His eyes, as always out of sync, were fixing on a point behind his left shoulder. ‘Need a drink?’ he asked. Charika swallowed and nodded. ‘Myself, I’ll pass.’ Leonard poured a generous amount of bourbon into a glass. ‘I overdid it a bit last night and don’t feel like repeating that any time soon.’ A fleeting grin ghosted over Charika’s face as he accepted the glass. ‘Are you all right?’

‘You tell me,’ Charika said. ‘I looked it up, you know.’

Leonard waved him away. ‘You can have found obsolete data at best, Charika,’ he said calmly. ‘You see, on Earth, what you’ve got, what your friend Matee had … it doesn’t happen. You know why?’ Charika shook his head. Leonard sighed inwardly. This was going to be a one-sided conversation. ‘Because … we can test for it and … well, cure it long before birth. Before you ask, no, I can’t do that for an adult. Thing is, though, such anomalies were very common on your planet. You see, the entire human population started with a couple of hundred people and in a short time there were a lot of them. Which means, they … well, they had children with more or less closely related people. A lot. And that messes up the gene pool and results in a lot of sick or stillborn kids. Matee was a lot worse, she had asthma and was struggling with life in general. You on the other hand …’

‘I’m just a bit dumb, is that what you’re saying?’

Leonard folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, eyeing Charika. ‘Did anyone say that to you?’

‘No. But like I said, I read.’

‘Primeval data!’ Leonard said emphatically. ‘That aside, you have … God, this is tough to explain. And don’t even get started, if anyone tried to explain the finer points of warp drive to me, they’d have a hard time, too.’ A tiny laugh escaped the defeated being, and Leonard smiled at him. ‘Where you are, you’re more than able. You get these things, better than many others. You’ve invented a damn teleporter, for crying out loud. With practically nothing to go by. Without it, I wouldn’t be sitting here. So don’t sell yourself short. The fact of the matter is, what physical limitations you had were corrected. That was mostly your eyesight. You were treated for that right after you went out into space. You also would have developed other afflictions later in life, but that could be avoided. Your mind’s working fine, except for one little detail: You’d have a fairly hard time learning a language. But I don’t think you were planning to do that, were you?’

Charika frowned. ‘No.’

‘You are that healthy because only some of the cells in your body are affected by what you’ve got. That’s a very simplified explanation, if you want to know more about that, I have to start with more basic biology.’

‘No, I’ll pass.’

‘Right. If you change your mind, you know where to find me. Tell me, have you ever given much thought about your future career?’

‘I don’t want command, if that’s what you’re asking.’              

‘If you ever change your mind, you’ll need to work very hard on it. Simply because language is a big thing there. You can express yourself perfectly in your field, but you may find it difficult to adapt. To simplify, like I did.’

‘I can’t do it. How do you know that?’

Leonard tapped the computer. ‘Because when you came aboard, you were subjected to a number of tests. Everyone has to go through that, physicals and a thorough and complex psychological profile. To find out if someone can stand the pressure on a starship and if they have the brains for it. You, my friend, have passed them all with flying colours, with a few recommendations what you might consider not doing because you’re a bit disadvantaged there and might struggle. You know what my profile said?’

‘Do I want to know?’

‘I think so. It said I would cave after less than a year. I’m still here. Think about it.’

‘I will. Thank you, Leonard.’ He stood, and Leonard mirrored him.

‘To make this clear. You’re lucky. Your mind’s working as well as you can ask for. Maybe you learned a few things a bit more slowly, I wouldn’t know. But you’ve arrived at a point where you’re a valuable asset to this ship. Your symptoms were mainly physical, and those that were potentially problematic have been rectified. And you’re a genius with all that technical stuff.’

‘I started talking really late.’

‘Figures. Charika … forget this. It’s of no consequence. Got that?’

‘Got it.’ He grinned. ‘I’m not stupid, after all.’

Leonard reached over the table and shook Charika’s hand. ‘One more thing. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find T’Kray or me. You don’t have to deal with everything on your own. Now go before Blanik strangles me.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((So, Charika. I’ve brought him from Air, where I said what he had but only as an educated guess from T’Kray. Since I’ll probably need the man later, I thought I’d add a bit of information. If you want to know about Matee or what McCoy (inaccurately) calls a teleporter, you’ll have to look there or in Water.  
> Kids with complete T8 don’t usually survive. Mosaicism means that, as was said, not all cells are affected, increasing the chances for survival. The same thing makes the symptoms extremely diverse and a lot less severe. Some cases are only diagnosed because of a secondary affliction associated with T8mS at some point in adult life.  
> And replicators … yeah, that’s not a TOS term. But this is later than TOS, so it’s intentional.))


	4. The Unsettled Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is the first few words of the System of a Down song Thetawaves. The full line is ‘The unsettled mind is at times an ally’, but that’s awfully long for a chapter heading so I decided to castrate it. Also the full title would make sense in the long run – like quite a few chapters later – while this here works even now. Yay!))

‘So,’ Jim said. This meeting was a private one with only Spock, T’Kray, and Bones. ‘Sinek and T’Lin will arrive tomorrow, which is why I asked you for this.’

Bones frowned. ‘Is this an official debriefing?’

‘No. This is private.’ He grinned. ‘That’s why it’s outside our shifts.’

‘Blanik wanted the room for a meeting with his department,’ Spock said. There was a slight note of reproach in his voice, which Jim blasted into oblivion with a smile.

‘I’ve come to like the observation lounge.’ He leaned back in his chair. ‘Why do you ask, Bones?’

‘Like Spock said. Because you hijacked a room from an officer. Not saying that you can’t, I was just wondering.’

Jim shrugged. ‘I did it because I can. Happy?’

T’Kray smirked. ‘Missed being in command, did you?’

‘Got me. So. Scientists. T’Kray, you met Stal.’

Her expression turned slightly disgusted. When they were among themselves, she rarely bothered checking her facial expressions. Jim took that as a sign that she felt comfortable in their company. ‘I did. But like I told you, I didn’t feel like chatting that much with him, James.’

He smiled. She told him about how that conversation had gone in quite some detail, but he had to ask. ‘No. I don’t assume he told you what we are supposed to do.’

‘I don’t think he knew more than I do.’ T’Kray lowered her voice slightly even though there was no-one else in the room. ‘Which only makes that stranger. He didn’t even seem to know that I had been invited.’

‘Question, Counsellor. Do you intend to work with the VSA?’

‘If Vulcan recalls scientists, it means that they need help. I would like to offer that, if possible.’

‘I got a message from the embassy, asking that I extend my stay so that you may assist. It remains your choice. I do have permission from Starfleet to remain there until either a solution to whatever is the problem is found or until something more urgent comes up. Apparently they’re exerting some pressure to get Vulcan to be more specific about what the hell is going on.’

‘I have a really bad feeling about this, Jim,’ Bones said suddenly. ‘I think … you know, I think we should just get our own business sorted out and run as fast as we can.’

‘I want to agree, but I cannot run from it, whatever it is,’ T’Kray said quietly. ‘I hope you understand, Len.’ By means of an answer, Bones took her hand and held it.

‘Talking about our own reason to go to Vulcan,’ Jim said. ‘What do we have to expect? I was once caught off-guard by Vulcan customs and I don’t feel like repeating that experience.’

‘Planning to reject Spock?’ T’Kray asked with an innocent expression Jim didn’t buy. ‘Not that you still could.’

‘Like I ever would. Just … what will happen?’

‘Very little,’ Spock said unhelpfully.

Leonard snorted. ‘God, Vulcans! Why is it so damn hard to get a straight answer out of you people?’

T’Kray shot Leonard a sideways glance. ‘Maybe you ask the wrong questions.’

He huffed and shook his head, but it was more than clear that he wasn’t really angry. Their hands were still joined, and a slight smile creased Bones’s eyes.

‘We shall meet a Reldai. That is a priestess. She will meld with us and see if there is a bond and if she needs to do anything to complete it. That is all.’

‘Just a forbidding Vulcan stranger groping around in my head, nothing worse than that,’ Bones said. ‘What if I can’t let her?’

‘Can’t let her?’ Jim echoed. ‘I don’t think you could stop her.’

‘Oh, don’t be too sure,’ T’Kray said. ‘But don’t worry, she’ll meld with both of us at once. You won’t be alone in this, I’ll help you. And the Reldai will do nothing more than what Spock said.’

Looking only marginally less shocked, Bones nodded. ‘Well, in that …’

‘Bridge to Captain, please come in.’ Zh’Rane sounded as harassed as he had ever heard her.

‘Kirk here.’

‘There’s a … an altercation.’

Jim and Spock exchanged a glance. Without a further word, both ran out of the room.

ϡ

The first thing they heard when the turbolift doors opened, was Blau. ‘… did not ask for your opinion. No, you will listen closely now.’ Neither she nor Melav had noticed them. When Jim wanted to interrupt, Spock stopped him gently. Without questioning why, Jim remained where he was and observed.

‘There is no reason to …’

‘Ensign, I do not have to tell you why I want something done.’ Blau towered over the Tellarite, her voice sharp enough to shut him up. ‘If I give you an order, you follow it. Is that clear?’ Judging from the look on the Tellarite’s face, he wasn’t going to give up. It seemed that she had come to the same conclusion. ‘Niall,’ she said simply. Jumping from his thrilled observation of the two, Doherty went to his feet.

‘Yes, Lieutenant Commander?’

‘Brig. Till morning.’ Melav opened his mouth, but this time a glare from Blau was sufficient. ‘Use that time to think. Get him out of my sight, Niall.’

‘I know this isn’t my shift,’ Jim said when he thought Blau wasn’t likely to breathe fire anymore, ‘but … just what was this about?’

‘A scan. I had them done regularly, to see if we detect any sign of a cloaked vessel.’ She shrugged. ‘So far nothing’s come up, but I’d rather be careful.’

‘Good. Keep doing those scans. They can’t do any harm. Carry on.’ Back in the lift, Jim allowed himself to look as confused as he felt. ‘I didn’t know it was that bad.’

‘I consider this an improvement,’ Spock told him.

‘Well, perhaps a few hours in the brig will do the trick. I wonder if it’ll help, though.’

‘Melav has to learn that he has to follow orders of his senior officers, regardless of his personal opinion. He has to learn that failing to do so has consequences.’

Jim nodded. ‘I doubt that Blau will find anything. That vessel, if it ever was there, is long gone.’ He shook the thought off. ‘About those scientists. I want a formal dinner when they come aboard.’

‘I know what you intend to do, Jim. It will not work.’

Jim looked at Spock with what he thought was an innocent expression. ‘Why? What would I try?’

‘To wheedle information from them. If they have it and are disinclined to share, you cannot goad them into doing so.’

‘I know Vulcans aren’t going to slip up and say more than they should,’ Jim answered, leading the way into their quarters. ‘But I can try to let them know that all I mean to do is help.’ He glanced up at Spock. ‘And that is even true. I want to help. I want to let T’Kray help. But I need to know the risks first.’

‘Such as they are,’ Spock said reasonably. ‘Perhaps one of the scientists does have more information. If that is the case, and if they are allowed to speak, I am certain they will.’

‘You are? I wish I were.’

Spock grabbed Jim’s shoulders and leaned down, pressing his lips to Jim’s. He didn’t even try to resist and instead closed his eyes and enjoyed. ‘We still have three point two hours before their arrival,’ Spock said when he pulled back. ‘Unless you had other plans?’

Jim glanced at the computer where files were waiting for him to review them. It wasn’t a difficult decision. ‘Um … I’m not sure. But it can’t have been important.’

ϡ

Leonard tugged at his collar for the eighteenth time. It didn’t make him feel any better. He had always hated dress uniforms. If he weren’t built the way he was, he might have wondered if losing a few pounds could help. But no-one could ever accuse Leonard McCoy of being overweight, so that wasn’t it. He couldn’t point his finger at it, but these things made it hard to breathe.

There was a gentle tug at his mind. Not the first one this evening, and nothing more than an attempt to return his focus to the conversation.

T’Kray, of course, seemed completely unperturbed. So did Spock. Jim’s scepticism was clear to him, but the three strangers at the table would have a harder time recognising it. Leonard felt more out of place than he ever remembered. He and Jim were clearly outnumbered by the sombre-looking Vulcans at the table. Stal was pointedly ignoring T’Kray’s existence. Leonard felt a lot like punching him, and if it weren’t for Jim and his plea not to antagonise the Vulcans, he might have given him a piece of his mind.

‘I would like to ask a question,’ Jim said. ‘Does one of you know why you were recalled?’

T’Lin and Sinek exchanged a glance.

‘We do not,’ Stal said. ‘We were merely informed that our services were required.’

Maybe Leonard imagined it, but he thought he saw a frown dart over T’Lin’s face and a split second later Sinek’s. ‘Curious,’ Sinek said.

‘Indeed. We did receive some information. We were asked not to share it with an uninvolved third party.’ T’Lin kept her eyes on Stal when she spoke, her expression calm and settled and yet a challenge. Stal didn’t show any reaction at all.

In fact, it surprised Leonard that he was able to detect anything in the other two. Spending so much time around Vulcans seemed to have taught him how to read them, at least to an extent. ‘Excuse me if I ask,’ he said and leaned forwards slightly, ‘but are we an uninvolved party? After all, one of our crew was asked to help out.’

‘You are not Vulcan,’ Stal said simply.

T’Kray raised an eyebrow. ‘I was not informed, either.’

‘We received what information we have only eight days ago. Since Starfleet did not allow the summons to be extended to you and you declined when you were first asked to come, they would not inform you. If your Captain allows you to assist, you will be more than welcome.’

‘What help is needed can be covered by us,’ Stal insisted. ‘This is a matter of science.’

‘Psychology is a science, Stal,’ T’Lin informed him coolly. ‘And it may well be that it is precisely the science we need. So far no-one could find an answer. So far, no-on asked a psychologist.’

‘Were there no other options? Why do we have to take the one without self-control?’

‘Just what is your damn problem, man?’ Leonard asked. He was almost startled himself. ‘What sort of Vulcan are you, anyway? Have you ever gone by the name of Tilak, by any chance?’ That question was followed by a heavy silence. T’Kray wore a pained smile, Jim looked shocked. Their guests seemed confused. He couldn’t blame them.

‘That is the most illogical question I have ever heard,’ Stal said. ‘But thank you, it offers me an example for a hypothesis I have formed.’

Leonard ignored his words. ‘You lied to T’Kray. I’m sure you have the same information the other two have. Yet you didn’t say you can’t share, you said you don’t know. Why?’

‘Why indeed?’ T’Lin asked with a genuinely interested voice.

‘Who is Tilak?’ Sinek asked at the same time.

Stal stared at Leonard. ‘Yes. Who is Tilak?’

Jim raised his hands. ‘Doctor McCoy was making a reference to a stereotype,’ he said smoothly.

‘Why is he even here?’ Stal demanded.

‘Because I asked him to.’ Jim’s answered in a voice that said clearly that he wasn’t going to discuss the matter.

Stal continued. ‘And you, Captain? You are both human. This concerns Vulcan, not outsiders.’

Jim took a few seconds to answer, a clear sign that he was getting dangerously close to losing his temper.

T’Lin spoke before Jim could. ‘Two men bonded to Vulcans can hardly be considered outsiders, Stal.’

Jim nodded towards her. ‘Thank you. I’ll explain why I am so inquisitive anyway. If T’Kray is to assist, I wish to know precisely what she is helping with. Not because I want to pry, but because I want to clarify if there is any danger to her or my crew.’

‘We cannot say for certain,’ Sinek said quietly. He looked at Stal for a moment, then turned his gaze on Jim and continued. ‘There has been an outbreak of some sort of insanity. So far, only unbonded Vulcan males were afflicted. Some of them have died, others have fled into the desert and started a settlement there. We cannot determine the cause. The effect seems to be irreversible.’

‘How much opportunity did you have to examine them?’ Leonard asked.

‘None that were alive, two dead ones, but they had both killed themselves. We do not know what came up so far. All we know is that there is this epidemic and that so far we have no cause.’

‘And therefore no way to stop it.’

‘And no way to predict how dangerous it will be for T’Kray or perhaps the non-Vulcans of your crew,’ T’Lin supplied. She, too, shot Stal a look. ‘Captain, with your permission, we would retire.’

Jim rose. ‘Certainly. Lieutenant T’Kray will show you to your quarters. Dr. McCoy, please stay here with me for a moment.’ Spock, too, stayed behind. As soon, as the other Vulcans had left, Jim rounded on Leonard. ‘Are you out of your mind? What were you thinking?’

‘I wasn’t,’ Leonard said at once. ‘It just came out. Jim, he’s obnoxious!’

‘Yes, he is. And he lied. I noticed that, too.’ He deflated visibly. ‘I thought the same thing. But I didn’t warn him by shouting it out. Imagine you were right and he is a Romulan in disguise, either working with our special friend or really him?’

‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.’

Jim offered a vague smile. ‘You know, if it were Spock he was talking about like that I’d have snapped, too. I can’t blame you.’

Spock looked at Leonard with an odd expression. ‘Perhaps we should ascertain that Jim’s explanation is valid.’

‘How d’you suggest we do that?’ Leonard asked.

‘By manipulating the language banks. You have some experience with that, I take it.’

Jim grinned. ‘Good idea. Consider it your atonement, Bones.’

‘Just to make sure I hear you right. You want me to enter the name Tilak as a stereotype for … what exactly? A lying Vulcan?’

‘It’s your invention, Bones. Just make it plausible.’

ϡ

T’Kray escorted the three scientists to their rooms in silence. Stal was the first to leave, and she was glad to be shot of him. ‘His behaviour is regrettable,’ Sinek said.

T’Kray only just caught herself before she could shrug. ‘It is of no consequence.’

‘Accusing you of emotionality when he is so obviously ridden by prejudice is highly unjust,’ T’Lin supplied. ‘Let me assure you that your help would be more than welcome.’

‘Thank you. I will try to convince the Captain. These are your quarters, T’Lin.’

‘Where is Sinek?’

‘Three rooms further down.’ Then it hit her, and she wondered how she could have failed to notice. ‘This one was prepared for you, but the cabin adjacent to Sinek’s is currently uninhabited. They have a shared bathroom, which is why we avoided placing anyone in it at this moment. You can, of course, have that other room.’

‘The rooms we have will be sufficient.’ Which read that Sinek was not in or close to pon farr.

T’Kray wouldn’t have missed that, she was sure. Although she had failed to see that they were a couple. ‘It is your choice, T’Lin.’ Some Vulcan couples didn’t want to share rooms, let alone a bed, but somehow these two struck her as close. Perhaps a choice they made themselves rather than an arrangement of the parents. ‘If we had been aware of your marital status, we would have asked in advance.’ She smiled, and unlike Stal, these two didn’t seem bothered. ‘It really is no trouble if you do not mind that the bed is not made. You find covers in the closet across from the bathroom, should you require them.’ Which, in turn, would read to them that they were welcome to share as much space as they wanted – or not to.

‘Thank you.’

‘You are welcome. Here it is. The door to the bathroom on your side is currently locked, of course, but I shall remedy that in a moment. Good night.’

‘T’Kray,’ Sinek said before she could leave. She nodded at him. ‘Doctor McCoy is not a Vulcan, but he is a medical doctor who has experience with us. Should you decide to aid us, do you believe that he would assist as well?’

So apparently, while T’Kray had failed to notice that these two were bondmates, they had understood what she and Leonard were. If they did not at least suspect that much, if would be strange to ask her to speak on his behalf, counsellor or not. She had clearly spent too little time among her own kind. If more of them were like Stal, she might find that it was for the better, but she refused to believe that. ‘Oh, I am sure he will, if he is permitted. Captain Kirk is very protective of his crew. If he thinks there is a danger, he might as well not allow it. But I will ask him. And I will try to convince the Captain.’

‘It is appreciated. Good night, T’Kray.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Tilak was someone from Water. Bones’s experience with language banks is from ST:V. I believe I read somewhere that in the books he manipulated them so that Spock, trying to learn about human customs surrounding camping, got a wrong word: marshmelons. Which explains the smile on McCoy’s face. I figured he’d have come clean at one point, so the other two know about it. Oh, and I love that movie and the bleeding camping scene in particular. So sue me.)) 


	5. No Need to Run and Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is from Wonderful Life by Black.))

Spock did not like to admit it, but for the past three days, meditation was eluding him. McCoy had found that hilarious when he told him, mumbling something about cold feet. He knew what the phrase meant, and he also knew that it wasn’t the case. After all, Jim and he were already bonded. All that remained to do was to make that entry into their Starfleet files, and that could only be done by a healer who confirmed the bond was there. His problem was something more primal.

In all his life, Spock had spent more time off his planet than on it. He felt at home on a ship at Jim’s side. He had almost felt at home following in his father’s steps as an ambassador. He had never felt at home on Vulcan. Perhaps not even before his departure, certainly not after. Whenever he had returned, it had been because of something horrible. If he had elaborated, McCoy would have patted him on the shoulder and told him that it was small wonder but that there was nothing he had to worry about. And he would have been right.

And yet there it was, something a human might call a gut feeling, a sinking sensation that something would go horribly wrong. ‘Illogical,’ he said firmly. Checking the rhythm of his breath, Spock tried to focus again. The signal of the computer vanquished any chance he might have had. Pressing his lips together, he rose and answered. Perhaps he had sounded a little grim, because when Blanik requested to speak with him, he seemed slightly intimidated. On the other hand, he had been that way ever since Spock had dressed him down a while ago.

Giving up his meditation for a bad job, Spock went to engineering to be greeted by a harassed looking Lieutenant Jakub Blanik, who was fussing over a computer next to Charika. The young man looked completely nonplussed. ‘Is there a problem, Lieutenant?’ Spock asked.

Blanik swallowed. ‘Well, I don’t know. It’s weird.’

‘Please elaborate.’

Blanik gestured vaguely to Charika, who flushed crimson. ‘Someone’s been messing with the computer, sir. They haven’t been very subtle. But so far all they’ve done is alter the language banks.’

‘Indeed?’ That would be Leonard’s doing, but he could hardly tell the two engineers that. ‘Any damage?’

‘No,’ Charika said slowly. ‘But there’s an entry. I … sir, it defines a … I think it’s a practical joke, to be frank. But I’d better check if there’s anything else wrong, if you’ll excuse me.’

‘Yes, Charika. Carry on.’ Turning his gaze to Blanik, he continued. ‘Can I see that entry?’

Blanik shrugged. ‘Sure, sir.’

Spock glanced over his shoulder to the screen and read: ‘Tilak. A human stereotype for anyone, particularly a Vulcan, with a conceited or arrogant demeanour. The term is considered offensive and xenophobic.’ Raising an eyebrow at Blanik, he prompted him to speak.

‘I don’t know. I don’t like it. Especially that it’s appeared now, with three Vulcans on board.’

‘I do not believe that there is a threat to them,’ Spock said quickly. He doubted Leonard was able to hide his tracks in the system if the entire operations department put their heads together. ‘I think it would be best if this is not discussed by a large amount of people.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Blanik smiled slightly. ‘He’s doing better, you know. Charika. Whatever McCoy or you told him, he seems to be all right again.’ He paused. ‘I had the boy all wrong, you know. I really scared him when he first arrived here. But he’s brilliant all right.’

‘Have you told him that?’

‘Yeah. Sure. Sir, about that entry. You don’t want to heighten security? For the Vulcans I mean.’

Spock glanced at the entry again. ‘I do not believe that this is necessary. I also insist that you do not to investigate further.’ He decided to explain his order even though he did not have to. He had learned long ago that humans were exponentially more likely to follow a command they understood. That aside, if he wanted the crew to develop a sense of loyalty to him, he could not make seemingly arbitrary and incomprehensible decisions. ‘I was … aware of the entry.’ He looked directly at the engineer. ‘It is there for a reason. At this moment, I cannot tell you more.’

If Blanik was confused by that, he hid it well. ‘Understood. Sir … there’s one more thing. Charika asked if he could go down to Vulcan, too.’

That was not really a surprise. ‘I see no reason why he should not. If you can do without him for a few days, he can come with us. I will inform you when he may beam down.’

ϡ

The huge smile on Jim’s face refused to go away, no matter how hard he tried. The Vulcan priestess would certainly not approve, but he was far from caring. Once this was done, their bond was official. Once it was official, no-one would be able to separate them. Bones and T’Kray were already in the transporter room when they arrived, the former looking a little uncomfortable. Knowing him, it was both the transporter itself and the prospect of visiting anywhere full of Vulcans. On the planet surface, they were received by a Vulcan female in a uniform Jim didn’t recognise at once.

‘She belongs to the Vulcan Science Academy,’ Spock substituted on their way out. ‘There is a shuttle waiting to bring us to the United Earth Embassy. After that, someone at the Academy would like to speak with you.’

‘With me?’ Jim asked. ‘What … why?’

‘I assume your unwillingness to decide if you will let T’Kray help prompted them to see you. Stal, Sinek, and T’Lin will leave the ship in the next half hour and arrive at the VSA ahead of us.’

‘Well, perhaps we’ll finally get a little more information. What about you? Do you want to help?’

Spock considered for a moment. ‘I have not decided,’ he said at last. ‘Should they ask for my assistance, I do not believe that I will refuse.’

Jim sighed. ‘You both know I’d never forbid you, don’t you?’ T’Kray smiled slightly and Spock sent a wave of warmth through their link. ‘Good.’

‘We are there,’ Spock said.

The sight that greeted them as they left the shuttle was impressive. The building was a cut off pyramid created from huge slabs of sandstone. There was no trace of the destruction that was wreaked on the building a long time ago. Even though it no longer served as an embassy, the building was still referred to by that name, it seemed. If it hadn’t been, Jim would still have recognised it. ‘I didn’t know that building was still in use,’ he said. His voice sounded as awed as he felt.

‘It is for bureaucratic purposes.’

‘Figures,’ Bones muttered. ‘The one thing your people have on us: You’re straight forward.’

Before Jim had a chance to answer, the doors opened, revealing a human. For what it was worth, her expression was as blank as a prototypical Vulcan’s. ‘You are here for the Reldai?’

‘Yes,’ Jim said.

‘She will see you now.’ With that, the woman turned and led the way inside.

Jim and Bones exchanged a glance. ‘Perhaps people have to counterpoint the heat on this planet by being extra cold,’ Bones mused.

‘You think so?’ T’Kray asked softly.

‘You’re an exception.’

‘Not as much as you believe, Doctor,’ Spock said. Their guide gestured silently at a door at the end of the corridor.

‘Can we all go in?’ Jim asked.

‘As you wish.’

Shrugging, Jim led the way inside.

The Vulcan standing at the window had her back to them, white hair streaming freely down to the small of her back. Although probably within an inch of Spock’s height, she was gaunt, giving her a fragile look. When she turned to look at them, Jim encountered dark green eyes with a sparkle he had not expected. She seemed a lot livelier than the human who had brought them. ‘Peace and long life,’ she said. ‘I am Vires. You need not introduce yourselves, I am well aware of your names.’ She looked at them all in turn, and Jim wondered if she actually had to touch them to sense everything they were. The power she exuded was uncanny. ‘This is very unusual. Are you aware, humans, that you are part of a very small group?’

Bones was the first to collect himself. ‘Yes. Yes, we know that.’ He smiled, shyly and not at all with his usual swagger. ‘We’re … honoured.’

Jim wasn’t going to protest at being included in that statement. It was true. Vires looked Bones up and down. ‘Are you?’ Leaving her place by the window, she stood directly in front of them. ‘Strange. What I meant was not that you should be grateful to whatever powers have turned the eyes of a Vulcan on you.’ There was laughter in her eyes and a levity in her voice that Jim hadn’t heard in any Vulcan before. Not even T’Kray. ‘I meant that you must indeed be remarkably intelligent and strong-minded. Do you have questions?’

‘Just one,’ Bones said. Her piercing gaze was boring into his, but he stood his ground. ‘I … struggle with mind melds. Not with T’Kray. But with others.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Reldai, he has been forced into mental contact with various living and mechanical entities.’

‘And yet you are able to maintain a bond-link. You impress me already.’ She shook her head. ‘Do not fear me. I shall not go deep, and your bondmate will be with you. Look to her if you need help.’ She folded her hands. ‘Perhaps I should commence with the other two. You can witness that no harm is done to them. Although from what I know of humans, that knowledge will not quell the fear in your heart.’ Bones made a non-committal grunt. ‘Are you both ready?’

‘I am,’ Spock said solemnly.

Jim nodded. ‘Yes, Reldai.’

She raised an eyebrow at him, either in amusement or commendation. When she touched his temple, he expected the sensation he knew as a meld, but it was nothing like that. Mostly, he felt Spock. Then there was a power trying to nudge them apart. The attempt was gentle and over before he could consciously fight it. Without commenting on what she had done, Vires turned to the other two.

‘That’s all?’ Bones asked.

‘That is all.’

‘Oh, well. I’m ready. As much as I will be, anyway.’

‘So am I.’

Jim realised that he was leaning into Spock and quickly brought half an arm’s length distance between them. Spock’s cool hand on his elbow told him that he, too, felt some aftershock from the meld. The moment the Reldai made contact with both T’Kray and Bones, the doctor’s eyes went wide, and for a moment, Jim thought he would scream. Then he relaxed, grabbing T’Kray’s hand, apparently also shocked by the foreign power pushing at them.

‘I believed that I would struggle to find a bond,’ Vires said completely unfazed. ‘But I found that your links are very deep. Perhaps humans are not given enough credit. Perhaps … perhaps you are different.’

‘It is the latter, Reldai,’ Spock said in a warm voice Jim didn’t usually get to hear from him unless they were alone. ‘Humans generally value their freedom too much to allow a bond of such depth.’

‘Then they do not understand.’

‘Indeed.’

‘I will send my report to your Federation immediately,’ Vires told them briskly. ‘You may leave.’ And just like that, the old Vulcan turned her back on them again to stare out of the window, standing in precisely the same spot as before.

ϡ

Since she had met him, T’Kray had learnt much about James Kirk. One of the first things that had struck her was how carefree the man was. After what would amount to a miracle had been performed on him and his friends, he had just continued as if nothing had happened, grateful, yes, but by no means awestruck. By now, she was fairly certain, he was incapable of awe.

One of the next things she had realised was his sheer intelligence, closely followed by the fact that he was perfectly aware of it. He knew he was sharp and that threatened to make him arrogant.

This was counterpointed by an innate gentleness she had not expected to find in a man like him. He cared deeply about the people surrounding him and would do anything to protect them.

Right now, something else was apparent: His occasional blindness to the infeasibility of his actions. In this case, charming a Vulcan. He was wearing that smile many couldn’t resist. She wondered if Spock could. The individual representing the Vulcan Science Academy wouldn’t give a millimetre unless he wanted to, that much was certain. ‘State your request,’ he said coldly. She knew what was coming, and the request would be granted. Not because of the infamous James Kirk smile, but because it was something trivial.

‘One of my crew has expressed an interest in your people and this establishment. He comes from Dainam.’ That last probably did a lot more good than the charming. Someone from a planet that had been off limits until recently was an intriguing guest.

‘The Vulcan Science Academy is an educational institution that is as much part of the Federation as it is a part of Vulcan. Anyone in Starfleet may access it. If he wishes a tour, he should come in an hour. Someone will be available then.’

T’Kray smiled very slightly. Someone would be made available. To them, Charika would be almost as intriguing as they were to him. After agreeing on a time and place at which Charika would beam down, they entered and were led to what was little more than a broom cupboard with a table for four people. Now they were seven: the four of them, plus the three scientists they had brought here. The latter were already inside. Perhaps this room had been chosen to indicate that only four of them were welcome while the other three were merely being tolerated. Or perhaps she was becoming paranoid.

‘Cosy,’ Leonard commented drily.

‘Indeed,’ T’Lin said. ‘One might think that whoever chose this room likes it that way.’

Stal shot her look that confirmed T’Kray’s suspicion. Why he antagonised them so much eluded her. ‘We have some more information and we extend our request for help to Mr Spock and Dr. McCoy.’

‘What?’ he asked. ‘Why?’

‘Because you are here,’ T’Lin said honestly.

‘Status?’ James asked.

‘The condition is not contagious. That much is confirmed by now. An environmental influence can be ruled out as well due to the pattern of the outbreaks; or, should I say, the lack of a pattern. Since this only affects unbonded males, you should all be safe.’

‘Our best shot at the moment is a neurological effect,’ Stal said. ‘I was informed you have developed the commonly used grafting technique, McCoy.’

Leonard blinked once. ‘Yes.’

‘You will work with me.’

‘If I choose to, and if Jim chooses to allow it,’ Leonard replied, leaning back in his chair.

‘We will manage without you, if you wish us to beg.’

T’Lin merely pursed her lips, but Sinek stood and looked down at Stal with a barely disguised threat. ‘This is enough, Stal,’ he told him, in Vulcan no less. ‘You either work with all of us, or it is you we can do without. This way, you do us all more harm than good.’

For a moment it looked as if Stal would give in. Then he rose too and stared back, grabbing a fistful of Sinek’s clothes. ‘Well, then do that. I did not ask for this summons. I refuse. And if you find some loophole to force me back here I will not move a finger. I do not work with … them.’

Sinek watched Stal go with raised eyebrows. Then he turned his attention on Doctor McCoy and addressed him in Standard as if nothing had happened. ‘Of course, the decision is yours. We cannot guarantee your safety, but it is our belief that none of you can be afflicted by whatever this is.’

Leonard rubbed the bridge of his nose. ‘I’ll need to see a patient.’

‘I didn’t say yes,’ James said carefully. ‘I would also like to see one of these patients.’

T’Lin nodded. ‘You will. More than one. Sinek?’

He considered for a moment. ‘You go with them. I shall call security and go after Stal. He must be examined.’


	6. Eviscerate Your Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I’ve always said that Air was an ancient idea. In that ancient idea, there was something that I very soon decided to ditch and come back to much later. That time is now. This colony and the way it developed is that old idea. It wouldn’t have fit into what became Air.  
> The inspiration was a song for which I have nothing but contempt: Eisregen’s Krebskolonie. (Translated, the band would be called Icerain, the song Cancer Colony.) I heard it once in my life and it’s so over the top I couldn’t help laughing, failed to take it seriously, because it’s so ridiculously horrible it was just … too much of a bad thing. Anyway, the idea of the song stuck and is in there, less physically disgusting, but the thought can be detected.  
> The chapter heading, in contrast, is an R.E.M. line, specifically from the song You Are the Everything. Much, much more to my liking.))

The landscape racing past had a certain beauty to it. Rolling hills of red sand, rocks strewn in between, and sturdy, spindly plants every few minutes. Leonard had no idea how long they had been going. The only thing he knew was that he would never find his way back. His sense of direction was rudimentary at best, and here, in the desert of Vulcan, it wouldn’t help him.

T’Lin was manoeuvring the desert flier at a speed he found unnecessary. Feeling slightly sick, he closed his eyes and hoped they would arrive soon. Wherever that might be.

‘Can’t stomach Vulcan driving?’ Jim asked.

‘Shut up,’ Leonard grated.

Jim was unimpressed. ‘What do you think?’

‘That you talk too much.’

‘Bones, I wonder … hang on.’ The same moment the desert flier halted, Jim’s communicator went off. ‘Kirk here.’

Leonard could hear Zh’Rane’s voice purring from the device. ‘A message from Admiral Ndaga. He received the data sent from Vulcan earlier today and asks if you want to spend the shore-leave the situation allows you on Vulcan.’

If Jim refused, they would likely be called away. ‘I was unaware that I’m eligible for shore-leave.’

Zh’Rane paused. ‘Is the information relayed to the Admiral classified?’

Jim chuckled. ‘No, Lieutenant. You can speak freely.’

‘A bond to a Vulcan grants you two weeks of shore-leave at a time of your choosing.’

It made sense, of course. Vulcan nature demanded that they dedicate a few days every seven years to little more than sex. Perhaps many Vulcans bonded at that time or shortly before it. ‘I’ll … Yes. I’ll do that. The others, too.’

Leonard stared at Jim. Putting them all on leave meant that it was up to them if they wanted to use that spare time to help with the research.

‘I’ll inform him immediately.’

Jim smiled even though the Andorian couldn’t see that. ‘Thanks. Kirk out.’

They stepped out of the vehicle and approached T’Lin. The Vulcan was staring at the landscape stretched before them. ‘Arm yourselves and be alert,’ she told them. ‘If someone comes at you, stun them.’ Jim and Leonard exchanged a glance and did as they were told. Slowly, cautiously, they approached a large rock formation. From a cave Leonard hadn’t even noticed before, three people stepped. They looked haggard and dirty and not like a threat at all. ‘Halt!’ T’Lin shouted. ‘We wish to speak with you!’ The three came closer until there were only ten metres between them. ‘Do you require anything?’

‘We don’t need your pity!’

‘I was not offering pity. We have water and food.’ It was true. They had brought crates of rations. ‘We shall leave them here for you to take.’

‘Then leave them and go.’

‘I ask you once again to return with me.’

‘We need to stay here.’

‘Why?’

‘It simply is that way.’

T’Lin closed her eyes for a moment. ‘That is highly illogical.’

‘You will see it, too. You merely need to be patient. You will be enlightened.’ T’Lin blinked.

‘Now that’s new,’ she said in an undertone. ‘What enlightenment do you speak of?’

‘We will shed our bodies and reach a state of being of the spirit alone.’

‘You are ill. You require help.’

For a moment, the sentinel hesitated. ‘We will not be dragged away. But we have someone injured.’

‘Bring them.’

‘No, you must come.’

‘We will not enter that cave,’ T’Lin said firmly.

Something twisted inside Leonard. ‘I will,’ he said before he knew he would. T’Lin spun and stared at him. ‘Lead me to your patient,’ he called. To his companions he said: ‘Leave if I’m not back in, say, twenty minutes. There’s only so much I can do anyway.’ Jim wanted to protest, but Leonard shook his head quickly. ‘Look, it doesn’t make sense if we all go. There must be much more of them than there are of us.’

‘You must leave your weapon,’ the Vulcan told him, not entirely unexpectedly. Leonard handed it to T’Lin without hesitation.

‘Bones,’ Jim said tentatively.

‘You know I’ve got to,’ Leonard told him. ‘I’ll come back.’ Raising his hands to indicate he was unarmed, Leonard covered the last few metres.

‘You will not be harmed.’

He nodded, feeling a hint of fear. Not too long ago, his willingness to offer help had brought him into captivity and nearly killed him. He pushed the thought away and followed the Vulcan into the cave. The small, dark entrance opened to a large space with corridors leading outwards. ‘This isn’t a natural structure,’ he said.

‘No. It was made millennia ago.’ The imprecision of the statement was atypical for a Vulcan, but that was probably to be expected. ‘I sense your fear. I assure you that you are safe. We do not harm a man who offers help.’

‘T’Lin and the researchers at the VSA offer help as well,’ Leonard said. ‘You are all ill. Don’t you remember what you were like before?’

‘I was blind. We all were. Here.’

They hadn’t gone far, only a short way into one of the corridors to a small side room. A Vulcan female was curled up in a corner, cradling her hand. Leonard approached slowly. ‘I’m McCoy. I’m here to help.’

‘You will not bring me away,’ she said sharply, rocking herself.

‘No. I won’t. I promise. Will you let me look?’

Fixing her eyes on him, she extended her arm. She was warm, too warm for a Vulcan. He gently took her hand and turned it. An ugly looking wound in her palm had become infected. There was what looked like a small sting of a cactus trapped inside. ‘This’ll hurt,’ he told her. ‘I don’t have any anaesthetics with me.’ He considered telling her that the pain could be avoided if she followed him, but since he was certain that the woman wouldn’t allow him to help if he did that, he refrained. When she didn’t respond, he removed the sting and applied a disinfectant. She flinched. That, too, was very un-Vulcan. ‘There’s nothing else I can do here.’ He frowned. ‘You’re a little feverish. If this gets worse, you need further help.’

‘I will not leave,’ the woman told him. ‘This is where we all belong.’

‘I could return to check on you.’

‘No,’ the sentinel said firmly. ‘She will live if she is meant to.’ Before Leonard could protest, he was hoisted to his feet by him. The fear returned with full force, but all the Vulcan did was direct him roughly back outside and shove him towards T’Lin. ‘Leave,’ he growled.

Leonard accepted the weapon T’Lin offered to him. By the time he had it back, the three Vulcans were almost back inside their cave. T’Lin shot without a warning. All three crumbled from the wide range beam.

‘Please assist me. We need to take one of them back with us to examine him.’ Jim walked with her without question, Leonard in their wake. Together, they carried the one who had talked to them to the desert flier and tied him up before putting him inside. Observing their work, T’Lin started depositing the supplies. ‘We should leave before the other two wake up. I prefer not to find out how they will react to what we just did.’

Absently, Leonard sat back down in the desert flier. Somehow all he could think of was that these Vulcans, while unusual, hadn’t seemed anywhere near as crazed as he had expected.

Ϡ

 

Vulcans generally were nothing if not realistic, and Spock firmly believed that this was also true for him. Now, however, he and Sinek were after someone who might be anywhere, and nothing indicated that Sinek would give up his search. ‘This is futile,’ Spock said at last. The other Vulcan returned from behind a building crouched next to the complex that was the VSA. ‘We have no way to determine where he went.’

Sinek glanced into the desert. ‘Actually, we do, but I doubt that he is on his way there yet. A few days ago, we equipped one of the patients with a tracker and let him go. This is where T’Kray and Dr. McCoy are going. The coordinates came back to us a few hours ago.’ Something changed in Sinek’s stance. ‘You are right. This is futile. He will show up.’

‘In the desert,’ Spock said.

‘Eventually. Are you returning to the ship in the evening?’

‘Unknown. I shall ask the Captain about his plans.’ He was not going to ask him using the bond. If the patients T’Lin was showing to them were violent, he would not distract him.

‘Well, if you don’t, we can accommodate all four of you. Our home is closer than your family estate.’

That was probably true, although Spock imagined that Jim might not want that. ‘While that would be convenient, I am uncertain if the Captain is willing to sacrifice his privacy for the sake of practicality.’

‘I believe you would have more privacy than on your ship, but of course, the decision is yours. All I ask is that you inform us before the end of the day.’ Sinek took a last look into the desert before heading back towards the VSA. ‘I shall record Stal as a new patient. Perhaps you can see if T’Kray could learn anything from her research on the computer.’

It had been a long time since Spock had been in the Vulcan Science Academy – and when he had been, he had not lingered – but as far as he could tell, very little had changed. He still found his way around, so locating T’Kray in a room adjacent to the library was not difficult. He found her contemplating the desk, her chin resting on interlaced fingers. ‘Did you find anything relevant?’ he asked at last.

She looked up at him and raised her arms in a gesture that could mean anything. ‘Like this? No. I’d need to speak with one of them. Perhaps if Sinek brings back Stal …’

‘I do not believe that he will wish to speak with you.’ Stal’s prejudice against her would not have improved with the mental illness.

‘Perhaps one of the others.’ She indicated the screen. ‘I am almost certain that this is not any kind of cancer. So why Sinek was summoned eludes me.’ Spock sat next to her, resting one arm on the desk and glancing at the screen, listing symptoms so various it was hard to say much at all.

‘Perhaps he was not. Perhaps it was T’Lin who was summoned.’

T’Kray shrugged. ‘Perhaps. I think Stal would have been our best shot. This is either psychological or neurological.’ She smiled. ‘Which might make Len the most likely candidate to find something.’

Spock’s eyes were still fixed on the screen. ‘Computer, state marital status of the member of the Academy named Stal.’

‘Marital status: unbonded,’ the computer told them blandly.

T’Kray frowned. Stal was too old never to have had a mate. ‘Computer, since when and why?’

‘Two years, wife is deceased.’

She sighed. ‘So all we know is that he’s exactly what you’d expect someone afflicted to be.’

Spock frowned. ‘Not entirely. It says on your screen that the patients were all textbook examples of emotional control before the first effects showed. The same can hardly be said about Stal.’

‘Perhaps he was already ill when we picked him up.’

Spock’s lips tightened. ‘Or perhaps we should assume that this is not a factor, no matter how much some seem to wish to propagate this theory.’

T’Kray blinked. ‘What?’

‘When we were outside, Sinek talked about various theories. There are some who say this is a psychological effect triggered by too much control.’

‘Nonsense.’

‘Highly unlikely, at least, but no harm can be done by investigating. The idea behind it is that the patients’ strong hold on their emotions culminate in what amounts to a self-induced lobotomy. If that is the case, Dr. McCoy will be able to verify it.’

‘Assuming they get a patient back here. You know, you’re right. It’s a theory, at least. The only thing they all have in common is that they are male. So far. Who knows if that isn’t just a coincidence?’

‘There is one thing. They all travel to a certain spot in the desert. Once there, they talk. They are paranoid, some of them aggressive. But they live longer there. Those that were forced to stay here succumbed much more quickly.’

‘Yes. Go figure.’

‘There is always an explanation. We merely have not found it yet.’

The door opened, revealing Sinek. ‘If he is seen, he will be detained. We will find him,’ he said simply.

‘In the desert,’ T’Kray answered, unwittingly echoing Spock.

‘Security are trying to intercept him and bring him here. His chances for survival will be very low, but there it is. Eventually, he’ll will be unable to withstand the insanity even in the desert, and he’ll perish here or there.’ He paused. ‘We have a guest. She wishes to remain here for examination and asked to speak to you, T’Kray.’

‘What? Why me?’

‘You are a psychologist. She believes it falls under your area of expertise.’

When Spock followed T’Kray and Sinek to the broom cupboard again, he expected almost anyone. Except for the ancient, white-haired Reldai. ‘Vires?’ T’Kray asked with an incredulous expression. ‘What can I do for you?’

The brilliant eyes fixed on hers. ‘The condition plaguing our people seems to have a hold on me,’ Vires said evenly.

T’Kray shook her head. ‘No. Everyone who has that is flying head first into the desert and certifiable.’

Spock frowned at the informal expression. After Stal’s reaction to T’Kray, Spock had assumed that she would attempt to be more orthodox. Now that he thought about it, he should have known better. She had always been this way, and a scornful scientist would not change that.

Vires seemed untroubled by her attitude. ‘They are not Reldai,’ she said simply.

Swallowing, T’Kray sat down at the table again. ‘With all due respect, why do you believe you are not channelling one or more of them?’ That might sound strange, considering that Vulcans were touch telepaths. The priestesses, however, should never be underestimated. Some of them were exceptionally strong telepaths and might be able to pick up more than others. And insane minds might very well be louder than healthy ones.

‘I feel compelled to walk into the desert,’ Vires explained. She appeared entirely composed, but on the inside it might be different. ‘Twenty miles to the north, follow the mountain range to an artificial cavern built before our living memory.’ That the patients fled into the wild might be something an outsider knew, but where they were going was information the Academy had only acquired very recently. It was safe to assume that the exact location of their base, if it could be called that, was not common knowledge yet. And even if it had been, there was no reason why the Reldai should lie.

T’Kray looked at her for a full 23 seconds before she spoke again. ‘If that is the case, how can you talk to me like this?’

The Reldai raised an eyebrow. ‘Control, young one. Iron control. I will not last forever. I need to be detained. There is, I assume, a room available for me? A room that I cannot leave without permission?’

Almost hastily, T’Kray stood. ‘I am certain it can be arranged.’


	7. All the Memories of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I admit that this chapter heading is obscure at best. It’s a line from the song Curtains by Peter Gabriel. That song is the background music of a very weird and psychedelic and beautiful sequence in Myst IV: Revelation. My love for the series is an open secret. For the second time, I castrated a longer quote: We watch it float away With all the memories of the day.))

When Leonard and Spock had slunk away into the recesses of the Academy to start examining the individual they had brought back from the desert and the other three Vulcans had decided to put their heads together and find a strategy similar to Vires’s to keep the insanity under a lid, Jim was left to explore the area. He decided to go outside and see if he could find Stal. Chances were he was hiding somewhere before he set off into the desert.

Instead of Stal, he found Charika, busy at the generator with someone he knew to be the head of the Academy. Smiling, he approached to listen. Charika was obviously impressed with the technology. Catching sight of him, the young man pulled himself up to a more formal stance. ‘Captain,’ he said by means of greeting.

Jim waved him away. ‘At ease. I’m on leave.’

‘Oh.’ He looked a little disappointed, and Jim laughed.

‘What do you need, Charika?’

‘Permission to stay here while we’re in orbit. I don’t think that Lieutenant Blanik would let me.’

‘I doubt he’ll need all hands on the ship right now. I’ll send him a message.’ He remembered something Spock had mentioned in passing. ‘You’re invited to stay on the planet. Apparently Sinek offered us rooms.’

Again, Charika looked unenthusiastic, but this time he spoke up. ‘I’d rather return to the ship at night.’

‘Not to work, I hope.’ He thought he sounded stern, but Charika probably knew him too well to buy it.

‘No. I promised.’ Charika looked very uncomfortable, but Jim had no intention to let him off the hook like that.

‘Whom exactly?’

‘Sereli. Lieutenant Zh’Rane, I mean.’ By now his face was crimson.

Blinking his surprise away, Jim laughed. ‘Well, if you promised, you must go back up.’ Still smiling, he looked over at the Vulcan. ‘You must be Terik.’ The Vulcan turned his attention from a display on the generator to Jim and inclined his head. ‘Live long and prosper,’ he said, managing to force his fingers into the Vulcan salute.

‘Peace and long life, Captain Kirk. And thank you for allowing your crewmember to visit. It may turn out most beneficial for us as well as him.’

That was surprising. ‘Well, I hoped that you’d be kind enough to let him look over your shoulders, so to speak, and that he’d learn something.’

‘We learn, too, Captain. Everything else is stagnation. I hear that Charika has developed a rather unique item of technology. With your permission, I would like to study it.’

Jim shrugged. ‘It’s Charika’s permission you need, not mine. He’s the genius. It’s his property. Incidentally, is there anything I can do to help?’

‘You can help security, if you wish. The fact that we even require it is disconcerting, to say the least. We never did.’

‘No, I guess you didn’t,’ Jim said thoughtfully. ‘Do you allow humans to study at the Academy?’ Jim wondered aloud.

‘Certainly. Any member of the Federation is welcome. However, our demands are quite high.’

‘Could Charika take a taster course, if he wants to?’ Out of the corner of his eye, Jim saw Charika freeze and stare at Terik.

‘Of course. We have translators for students of non-Vulcan origin and some lectures are held in Standard. I can show you the curriculum, if you like, and discuss which of the courses are likely to be beneficial even if you are here only for a short time.’

‘I’d love that,’ Charika said, looking rather stricken.

Jim chuckled. ‘Well, I’ll go see what I can do for security.’

Terik nodded. ‘Our systems are good enough, our strategies are probably wanting. Perhaps you could offer some input. I am certain you have more experience in the matter than any of us.’

Ϡ

‘Do you have any idea what caused the illness you are suffering from?’ T’Kray asked. The tests she had brought were completed. There was no reason to evaluate them. The results were exemplary. The only thing that insisted anything was wrong with the woman was her own word.

‘I do not know,’ Vires said. ‘All I can tell you with any certainty is that I first noticed it today. Before you came to see me, I had a strange apparition. I felt resentment that I had to go so far out to the embassy after I had only recently been to the Academy for a lecture I wished to hear. I filed it away, but it required a conscious effort to do so. I found it strange that I experienced the emotion at all. I never disliked travelling to remote places, especially not those of historic value.’

T’Kray nodded. T’Lin was taking notes on various tricorder readings and passing them to Sinek to look through. ‘You are the first female to be affected. Do you have any idea why whatever this is occurs mainly in unbonded males? Is there an intricate difference between the minds of males and females?’

‘Perhaps females are less vulnerable,’ Vires said at once. ‘They do not lose control on a regular basis. They are not used to it and fight harder.’

‘That could explain why you resist. It doesn’t explain why no females were affected so far.’

‘They were,’ T’Lin said suddenly. ‘McCoy went into their hideout and found an injured woman there. We couldn’t get her identity from patient seven.’

‘That is undignified name for a living, thinking being,’ the Reldai told her.

‘Well, he’s not offering a name.’

‘If that woman was a loner, no-one would report her departure.’ T’Kray offered and Vires nodded.

‘I cannot answer if there is something that immunises some females, T’Kray,’ she said. ‘And I do believe that it is possible to resist for a time for any Vulcan with a shred of focus.’

‘Knowing it is possible might be helpful,’ T’Kray said quietly. ‘Vires, would you tell us what you do to keep yourself sane?’

‘I meditate. I focus on what the illness makes me feel and file it away. It is increasingly difficult, although the process is slow. So far, I have more success than at the very beginning because I have learned how to be more effective. I doubt, however, that I will be able to withstand forever.’

‘How do you tell the emotions caused by the illness apart from your own?’

Vires weighed the question for a while. ‘They are difficult to focus on. At this moment, I experience mild discomfort at the fact that I am locked in. This is my own feeling and I can handle it easily, in part because I am aware that I am more helpful here than there. However, I also resent the sounds of the tricorder. If I try to investigate why, I cannot. There is no reason. If I were to focus on the feeling, it would pass and be replaced by something else.’

‘Of course that makes it difficult to control the emotion, if it changes the moment you try to concentrate on it. How do you do it, then?’

‘I focus on its source. In this case, the tricorder. While I do that, I prepare a part of my mind to receive and hold the emotion. The process of pulling that part of my mind over the emotion to keep it there must be very fast.’

‘Mental partitioning,’ T’Kray said. ‘I could do it once, a long time ago. But I have not done it for decades.’

‘Mental partitioning?’

T’Kray looked at T’Lin. ‘Please multiply 346 by 489.’ T’Lin raised an eyebrow. ‘That is the most basic of mental partitioning. There are even some humans that can do it. You multiply the hundreds, then the tens, then the unit places. Then you add the three. You have to use a partition of your mind to remember the first result while you calculate the second and so forth. And multi-digit multiplication is the easiest example.’ T’Kray looked back at Vires. ‘Would this basic partitioning be enough?’

‘It might be.’

‘All right. We should all try to do two or three digit calculations and observe what you do. Perhaps if we fall ill, we can apply that practice. Vires, is there anything we can do for you?’

‘Yes,’ the Reldai said. ‘You can leave me. I require meditation. And I recommend you to do the same on a regular basis. You have one advantage: You are bonded. I believe that can be helpful.’

That thought had also occurred to T’Kray. Somehow she doubted that this little detail could prevent them from getting ill, but since the effects were mostly on the mind, the existence of another presence could help. On the other hand, if or when the bonded Vulcan finally gave, the other would suffer severely. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘We shall return tomorrow.’ She raised her arms at the other two. ‘I think we should have dinner. I’ll find Charika from wherever he went and get the rest. Could you two get a plate for both of us, too, please? That would save some time.’

Ϡ

The only reason why patient seven was cooperative was the heavy sedative he had been given. Even so, readings indicated that he would wake soon. Leonard couldn’t sedate him again without risking to harm him. Already the dose he had received was the maximum he dared give at the best of times. Normally, the man should be out cold for the next nine or ten hours. ‘Well, I can tell you one thing,’ he said briskly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with the structure of his brain. There are some flares of activity in areas that should not be active while he’s out of it. His language centre’s going haywire, for some reason. And he seems to experience hallucinations.’

Spock glanced at the monitor over his shoulders. ‘Can you determine the reason?’

‘No. But I can tell you that he’ll die if we can’t stop this. He must already have difficulties processing any input. His brain is firing stimuli at him without any outside source, and that enough is nearly overwhelming. When the stimuli start overwriting basic functions, there’ll be little that can be done for him.’

Their patient stirred, sat up abruptly and let out a high-pitched wail that chilled Leonard to the core. Spock was there in an instant, put his hand to his neck and squeezed. The poor soul slumped forwards and a few orderlies carried him away.

Leonard sighed and ran a hand down his face. ‘The worst part is, I think this is happening because we brought him here. Over in the desert, he was … strange, a bit like an over-zealous religious guy or maybe more like a dropout. But not like this. He seemed controlled, Spock. How can just a change of location do this to him?’

‘Perhaps you should ask T’Kray that.’

He nodded. ‘I will. I just don’t get it. It’s as if when he got here, he was … unable to return to where he felt he must be. And that scared him and set of an avalanche in his mind that is going to suffocate him.’ Leonard was getting tired and needed to rest, he knew that much, and there was very little he could do. And yet, if he slept through the rapidly approaching night, patient seven might be dead in the morning, and then they would move on to Vires only to watch her go down that path, too. There was a soft knock at the door, and Leonard made up his mind. Rather than calling out, he walked over and opened. ‘Charika,’ he said with mild surprise.

‘I assume you’re both hungry?’

A weary smile formed on Leonard’s face. ‘I for one am.’

‘The dining room is down that hall, to the mezzanine, and there into the room with the glass doors. I’ll bring you food.’

Leonard waved him away. ‘That’s not necessary, we’ll get it. How would you carry three plates?’

‘One of the others is bringing some back for me. It’s no problem. You look like you need to sit down.’

Snorting, Leonard decided to take up on the offer. ‘Well, that’s a typical Charika-compliment. You’ll find us with the rest, then.’

Ϡ

When Jim reached the dining room, the rest were already seated, but he didn’t mind. He’d grabbed food on the way there and was now walking with a spring in his step. They had, at last, found Stal and brought him back. He was severely distressed, but Vires had asked to touch his mind, and afterwards he had been much calmer. He still wanted to leave and walk into the desert, but at least he was aware that this impulse wasn’t natural.

Finding him hadn’t been so much a matter of searching as it was of ambushing him. Somehow Jim had doubted from the start that Stal had set off at once. From what he knew, this impulse came after a short while, not instantly. So all they had to do was guard as many paths as they could that led in the general direction of the desert. He had relied on Stal to be so driven that he forgot he was being looked for, and he had been right. If Stal had circumvented them, he would have evaded. They didn’t have enough people to surround the entire settlement that had grown around the VSA.

The others were almost finished with their foods and beginning to exchange their findings. Jim listened intently. Apparently, they were making at least some progress. There was a way to slow the insanity, there were a few theories why everyone returned to the VSA went wild, and there was Vires, who was helping enormously with her cooperation. Jim hoped sincerely that they found a cure for this before the old woman could no longer control herself. It would be horrible for her to be stripped of her dignity like that. After a while, Bones leaned back, looking absent and troubled. Jim nudged him. ‘Hey, what’s wrong? There’s some success, isn’t there?’ When he received no answer, he sat up straighter. ‘Bones?’ Turning to look at T’Kray, he found that the Vulcan closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she reopened them, she glanced at him for a moment before staring at Bones.

‘Leonard. Len, say something.’

‘Something.’

A chill ran down Jim’s spine. That kind of humour wasn’t beneath Bones, but now his face was blank, his tone flat. Looking desperately to T’Kray, he tried to read her. Perhaps her eyes were a little wide, but he wasn’t sure. She stood and walked around the table with determination, her eyes never leaving Bones. ‘Look at me, Len.’ The physician’s impassive stare went to her. She cringed slightly. ‘Stand.’ He obeyed the gentle order without question. ‘Tap the table three times with your left hand.’

When he did, Jim couldn’t stop himself anymore. ‘What’s wrong with him, T’Kray? What the hell is this?’

Still calm, she looked at him. ‘I am uncertain. All I know is that while Leonard is still himself, he cannot act without an order.’

‘Why?’ Jim asked more loudly than he had wanted to. Not that it mattered. Everyone who had been in the room before was staring at McCoy with detached interest. It was certainly better than a group of humans would have been. He could just imagine everyone getting out of their chairs and gathering around to get a better look.

T’Kray took a few moments before she answered. ‘First, I am certain that this is temporary and reversible, James. I cannot say what caused it, and neither can he. I could calm him down, but he needs attention.’

‘Yes, I can see that. But why calm him down? He’s too calm, if anything.’

T’Kray shook her head. ‘Not on the inside. You see, he senses his own mental paralysis and cannot control it.’ She frowned for a moment. ‘Although the researchers of the VSA are more than capable, I’d rather bring him back up to the ship.’

Jim gave a dismissive gesture. ‘Whatever you think is best. We’ll come up, too, in a moment.’

T’Kray shook her head. ‘No, James. Please stay here. We need to keep observing the patients we have here, and we need someone with experience on security. I’ll inform you immediately when I know more.’

‘At any hour?’

‘Yes, Captain.’ He noticed the way she shifted in the way she addressed him, from the informal plea to a friend to the confirmation that she would report to her superior officer. ‘I’ll also report any changes and tell you if you are needed. But as I said, I am very certain that he will be better soon.’ When Jim shot her a questioning look, she gestured between her and Bones. ‘Bond, telepathy. Trust me.’ She took a deep breath, the first sign of any distress she allowed herself. ‘T’Kray to Covenant … two to beam up.’


	8. Restless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is a Within Temptation song. The only reason why I chose it is that I had no idea how to name the chapter (I know what the next one and the next but two will be called even now, ironically) and started playing solitaire while listening to whatever my playlist flung at me. This one felt right.))

Jim was frightened. He wasn’t going to deny it, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to hide it. He had followed Spock to Sinek’s home meekly, had let himself be manoeuvred to the left hand side of the upper floor, had prepared to go to sleep – but he couldn’t rest. Spock was at the computer, still evaluating whatever data he had collected over the day, and Jim was pacing. At last, he had no idea after how much time, Spock had turned off the computer and told him to go to sleep, apparently intending to do the same. Jim sat down on the bed for all of two seconds before getting back on his feet, unable to stop his thoughts from straying to the ship where one of the few people he had left in the world was in a condition no-one could explain to him. With a barely suppressed sigh, Spock walked over to him and halted his movements. ‘Do you trust me, Jim?’ he asked softly.

The question startled Jim. ‘What? Yes. Of course.’

‘I trust T’Kray. I trust her as Leonard’s bondmate, and I trust her as a psychologist. She told us this is temporary, and I believe her. If you trust me and my judgement, calm yourself.’

Jim folded his arms, his entire stance a challenge. ‘Then explain it to me, Spock. I don’t understand how she can tell, and things I don’t understand make me nervous.’

Spock nodded. ‘Lie down. Stop pacing. I will tell you.’

Jim did as he was asked. ‘I’m stressing you out, aren’t I?’

‘I do sense your agitation.’ Forcing himself to remain quiet, Jim waited for an explanation. ‘Through the bond, it is possible to detect certain things. What happened to Leonard is apparently affecting his mind. That much was obvious. Imagine something like a shield, only not in his control. Something constructed by a third party, a foreign object in his thoughts. For a psychologist without the advantage of telepathy, it is difficult or impossible to find or evaluate such a construct. In a meld, it is easier. And a bond is much deeper still. A barrier may shut out someone attempting to meld, but as long as an intact bond is present, the bondmate can almost always go everywhere. Imagine that the shield cannot cut that link but grows around it. Therefore, T’Kray can tell how stable the barrier is, if it can be broken, or if it will dissolve by itself because their bond is still rooted behind the wall, deep inside Leonard’s mind. If the cause was someone tampering with his mind, she can find that out and undo the damage.’

‘What other reason could there be?’ Jim asked, admittedly more at ease than he had been.

‘Unknown. But I do not doubt that we will find out.’ Gentle fingers brushed over Jim’s cheeks. ‘Do not vex yourself. Speculating what might be the cause will not help at this point. Perhaps something occurred when Leonard was alone with patient seven, something he did not believe was worth mentioning.’

Jim turned to his side to face Spock. What little light made it into the room was reflected in his eyes, making them the only discernible feature. Pairing two fingers, he caressed Spock’s temple. ‘Thank you, my love. For your patience with me.’

Spock shook his head. ‘There is no need for gratitude, T’hy’la.’

Jim’s fingers found the soft lips and he felt a kiss being placed on them. ‘I know Sinek’s a Vulcan and can hear a mouse in the attic, and I know this isn’t going to be a very long night anyway, but Spock … I want you.’

‘In addition to what you pointed out, let me remind you that the air is considerably thinner here than what you are used to.’

Jim smiled. He knew he had won. If Spock had turned him down, he would have done that differently. ‘True. Very true. Well, if you don’t want to …’

A finger was placed on Jim’s lips, silencing him. Spock kissed him then, slowly and with all the love they shared. ‘We will be quiet. Sinek may hear, but he is distracted himself.’

Jim’s eyes went wide. ‘You mean …’

‘I mean that he and T’Lin are engaging in a similar activity to what you have in mind.’

Jim grinned at that and pushed Spock on his back, straddling him. When he felt strong hands travelling up his arms to settle on his neck he finally managed to shove his concern aside. For the moment, all that mattered was Spock.

Ϡ

The concern on James’s face was glaringly obvious. T’Kray had assumed that he’d be less than relaxed when she came back from the ship alone. At least he didn’t demand an explanation, he simply stared at her and waited until they were alone. Not in the VSA, in Sinek’s home as she had asked. The request had only added to his disquiet, but something had gone horribly wrong at one point the previous day, and T’Kray wasn’t going to let it happen again. She had whispered an urgent warning to Sinek in passing, hoping that he would heed it.

The moment they were secluded in the place Sinek had offered James and Spock for their stay, her Captain let go of all pretence at composure and started pacing. Judging from the way Spock halted him gently, steering him to a chair, not for the first time.

‘Captain, Doctor McCoy will be available again the day after tomorrow. We could isolate a substance in his blood stream that is currently being analysed.’

‘He was poisoned?’

‘Yes and no. Drugged.’ She sighed and folded her hands before her on the small table. ‘While he could think freely, he could only act on what he was told to do. If that instruction had come in a meld, it could have been very complex.’

‘Complex as in booby trap the Academy and explode half the staff, taking care to keep certain individuals safe?’

A slight smile flickered over T’Kray’s face. ‘Yes. Although I doubt that the plan involved explosives.’

‘Accident?’

‘No. Someone wanted to incapacitate him or somebody else, I believe.’

‘How?’

‘Food, I believe. But since he is the only one showing symptoms, I think that he might not have been the intended target.’

‘Or perhaps he was,’ Spock said. ‘As we all know, he might be the one with the best chances to find out what is causing the epidemic.’

T’Kray pursed her lips. ‘Again, yes and no. There are more people than just us working on the problem. A few of them have equal chances. What you suggest, Spock, is that someone has an interest in keeping the epidemic active, and as long as that is only supported by conjecture, I refuse to accept it as fact.’

‘What else would you suggest, then?’

‘Perhaps that someone who is just not on the way into the desert tampered with his food. I asked Sinek not to eat at the VSA for the time being and to pass the message on to T’Lin. James, I would hope that you could interview the kitchen staff.’

‘Of course.’

‘There’s something else.’ She looked at Spock. ‘I ask you to go up to the ship and have them take a sample of your blood. You had the same batch of food Leonard did.’

‘I am not drugged, T’Kray.’

‘Even if the substance has no effect on you, I want to know if it is present. Please report to sickbay, Dr. Durlan is waiting for you.’ Spock inclined his head, indicating his consent. ‘In the meantime I intend to hear a lecture at the VSA. I cannot stress it enough: Do not eat there. We don’t know how Len was drugged. We can’t afford that we get the same.’ She looked pointedly at Spock, and he contacted the ship to visit sickbay. ‘And us?’ T’Kray asked once Spock was gone. ‘Do we meet here in, say, two hours?’

After a moment’s hesitation, James nodded. ‘T’Kray, do you think …’

She raised both hands. ‘At this time, I don’t think anything, and I will not speculate. Perhaps I know more in a few hours.’

‘Did you warn Charika about the food?’

She nodded briefly. ‘Of course.’

‘If you hear anything …’

‘You’ll be the first to know.’

Ϡ

Dr. Durlan was a small, round-faced woman with a barking laugh, extremely short hair, and a generally brash attitude. That didn’t change the fact that she cared deeply for her patients and that she was rather disconcerted by the substance they had isolated. She had vanished with a huff after getting a blood sample from Spock and now he was left to wait. Twice he caught himself preparing to stand and enter the laboratory. When Dr. Durlan emerged after 34 minutes, she looked grim. ‘Nothing but an overactive immune system. Nothing to point my finger at. And that’s precisely what I feared. Damn.’

‘Are you disappointed that I was not drugged, Doctor?’ Spock asked.

She folded her arms and glared at him. ‘No. I’m half sure you were, but the stuff has such a short half-life I couldn’t find it any more. Doesn’t mean it can’t have an effect. Get over there.’ She gestured to a biobed, and deciding that cooperation would make this visit shorter rather than longer, he obliged. ‘Damn,’ she said again. ‘I’m not McCoy, but you’re not all right. Look yourself.’

Spock looked at the monitor and raised one eyebrow. Perhaps he should have known what he would see, but if he was honest with himself, he hadn’t. His controls were so firmly in place that he hadn’t noticed it, but there was too much activity underneath the surface that was conscious thought. ‘Kaiidth,’ he said after a moment.

‘Excuse me?’

Spock returned his gaze to the small woman. ‘What is, is, Doctor. I need to return to Vulcan.’

‘I’d rather find out what this is.’ She gestured to the monitor.

‘I know already. I wish to learn how and why. While I can.’ He frowned. ‘Is Doctor McCoy in isolation, or can I speak to him?’

Durlan shrugged. ‘You can talk to him all right, but he won’t be able to say more.’

‘No. Thank you, Doctor.’ It was, of course, impossible to feel a person’s gaze, but Spock could have sworn that he did when he walked out of sickbay. He used the time it took to reach the CMO’s quarters to quell a budding emotional response. When he asked for entrance, he found McCoy at the computer, looking rather dejected.

‘Hi, Spock. God, I want out of here. I think I’ve got something to immunise us against the substance. I’m fine, really.’

‘I would take your word for it, but both Dr. Durlan and T’Kray believe you should remain here for a little while.’

‘What’s wrong, Spock? Is there something wrong with me no-one’s saying? Because you look like you just saw a ghost.’

‘Only my own, Leonard.’ The Doctor’s mouth opened and closed again. ‘I may have received the same substance you did. Its effect on me is different, however. It seems to affect my mind, as well, but not by opening it to suggestions.’

Leonard’s eyes went wide. ‘Oh no. Oh God, no.’ McCoy reached out and squeezed Spock’s arm. ‘I can’t do anything when the damage is done, Spock. The timeframe is so short that any counteraction needs to follow ingestion of the drug immediately.’

‘I will speak to Vires. She is able to resist. Perhaps I can do the same and give you time.’

Leonard swallowed. ‘Yes. I … I need to get out of here!’

‘Doctor, you …’

‘No. This just got personal. I’m not sitting here, doing nothing useful. I need to … I need to talk to Jim, I need to get back into the lab. Research on the computer is fine, but it’s not enough. I’m not letting you die, Spock!’

Spock stood and offered a small smile. ‘The onset of the symptoms seems to be different for every individual. They came very quickly in Stal’s case, but in Vires there was a delay by four days. Perhaps if I prepare my defence already, I can win more time. But … I must admit that your confinement is a reason for concern. I do not wish to die, and I believe you are my best hope.’

Ϡ

Jim’s search of the kitchens had revealed absolutely nothing. No one had seen anything, no one had heard anything, and there hadn’t been anyone working in the kitchen who wasn’t supposed to be there. Anywhere else, Jim would have doubted the truthfulness of the statements or he might have thought that the personnel weren’t observant enough. But this was Vulcan, and people didn’t lie here. They also didn’t miss stuff that didn’t fit into the pattern. Therefore, he just took what he had heard at face value and decided that some of the staff might be drugged themselves or that someone had a very clever and very worrying agenda.

What he found back at Sinek’s house did nothing to lessen his concern: T’Kray stared at Spock, saw Jim coming, and checked her facial expression into a mask that showed nothing. ‘What’s wrong?’ Jim asked at once.

The two Vulcans exchanged a glance. ‘McCoy has found a preventive measure that offers protection from the drug,’ Spock said. ‘He cannot, as of now, cure the condition it causes. In humans, it seems to pass. Unless Dr. Durlan is mistaken, in Vulcans the effect is more … lasting.’

Jim had been able to read Spock before their bond. He had known the man for so long, loved him for so long, that he’d learned to see the smallest nuances on his face where others – except Bones, perhaps – wouldn’t have detected any emotion at all. Now he saw a profound sadness in his eyes, and he realised that something was very, very wrong. The bond was silent, Spock’s shields stopping Jim from seeing the truth there. Ignoring T’Kray, he walked until he stood very close to him and took both hands into his. ‘What are you not telling me, Spock?’ he asked in an undertone. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear. He thought he already guessed it, but as long as Spock didn’t say it, it wasn’t true. A childish notion maybe, but it drew out these few seconds into an eternity of blissful unawareness.

‘The epidemic is unlikely to be a disease. It appears it is caused by the substance that Leonard received. As did I, Jim.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I am certain that the bio-scanners picked something up that likely indicates a very early stage of the same affliction. At this time I cannot sense the symptoms in myself and I will keep meditating. I believe I am able to use Vires’s technique, too, and I will speak with her again and seek assistance. But the fact remains that something is wrong, and to seek another reason would be running away from the truth.’

‘That leaves us with a number of very serious problems,’ T’Kray said. Her voice was quiet, but it cut through Jim’s bubble like a knife. The floor beneath him suddenly felt very real, as did the room, the two Vulcans, the very air. He recognised the adrenalin rush for what it was and knew he’d have to soak the fallout later. For now, it gave him the strength to perform the mammoth task of turning around and looking at her. ‘The first one is, cruel as it is, that none of us will care so much for Stal as we do for Spock. That this is inherently wrong doesn’t change the fact. But we cannot rush ourselves into mindless action or we will do more harm than good.’ Jim didn’t trust himself to answer. He felt Spock’s hand close around his and squeeze. The Vulcan’s shields were softening, allowing Jim to sense that despite the news, Spock still had that profound hope that anything was possible. He shot him a smile full of gratitude and love and saw the same emotions reflected in his bondmate’s eyes. ‘It also means that we cannot speak about what we found to anyone. I do not believe that Sinek or T’Lin are involved, but we cannot know. Everyone but us is a potential co-conspirator.’

‘You’ve got practice with that one,’ Jim said, and T’Kray smiled darkly.

‘Yes James. And do not ever forget that we survived Dainam. I was going to ask you to let me plan what actions to take since I am familiar with conspiracies.’

He nodded. ‘And I’m grateful for that.’

‘One thing I wish us all to keep in mind is that we have seen something similar recently. This may be the same drug that was used on Driin.’ Jim’s mouth fell open, but T’Kray held up a hand and he remained silent. ‘Its effect on Len is very similar or even identical, but this is conjecture. Still, we should consider the possibility.

‘And at long last,’ T’Kray said slowly, ‘it means that I need to meld with Charika.’

‘What?’

‘He brought Spock and Leonard their plates.’ Her hands curled into fists for a moment. ‘I need to see if he was under some influence or …’

‘I refuse to believe that he’d choose to poison anyone, let alone Bones. He admires him.’

‘I don’t want to think it possible, but I have to face the fact that it is an option. He is more likely to be the victim, but I will not be overwhelmed by shock if I find out he is actually part of it.’

‘He has no reason,’ Spock said sensibly.

‘No. But I can’t let my personal closeness to him get between myself and my objectivity.’ T’Kray pursed her lips. ‘While I do not believe in action for the hell of it, as Len would put it, time is of the essence. Spock, go to Vires. Jim … help me track down Charika. And if he refuses to share his mind with me hold him.’

Jim’s eyes widened. ‘You … but that’s …’

T’Kray slammed her fist onto the table. ‘Someone poisoned my bondmate and one of my oldest friends. Whoever is responsible will pay, and I don’t care if I hurt them in the process.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I want to bleed them, Jim. I won’t, but I will find out who did it. Are you with me?’

Jim took a deep breath. ‘Yes, of course. But he might also struggle if he is drugged himself.’

A weary smile formed on T’Kray’s face. ‘I raised Charika as I would have a Vulcan child. I have melded with him innumerable times to share knowledge, to find where he aches, to soothe the pain I found. If he refuses to meld with me, something must be very wrong.’

‘You don’t really believe that he’s a conspirator, do you?’

She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t. And I certainly don’t want to. But I must be prepared even for that.’

 

 


	9. Sorge l’Irato Nembo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is from Vivaldi’s Farnace, specifically an aria of Pompeo. Basically, it means The angry cloud rises.))

Spock felt the fingers on his meldpoints, felt the gentle touch of Vires’s mind. This time, she probed more deeply than when she had verified his bond with Jim. ‘I do not sense anything in you that indicates you are in less than perfect condition,’ she said at last, withdrawing her hand. ‘You have time, more than I do. I find resistance harder with every passing minute.’

Collecting himself from the intense contact, Spock took a deep breath. ‘Thank you, Reldai. Is there a way I can assist you?’

Vires shook her head. ‘No, Spock. But if you allow another meld, I can demonstrate to you how you can control the process. Do you know how it happened?’

‘We have a hypothesis.’

‘But you will not share. I understand.’

He had to ask her something crucial, something he had been wondering ever since he had understood what was happening to him. ‘How will this affect Jim?’ He felt concern and examined it. The emotion did not come from the drug. This was all him.

‘I cannot tell for certain. He will feel it. You can shield at the beginning, but towards the end, he will have to do that himself.’

‘Shielding is not his strongest point.’ Jim had never wanted to learn this. Spock had told him that he had to and why, and in the end, Jim had given in, but he did not excel in it. He could not. And knowing him, no arguments would change that. He would rather go under with Spock than leave him to deal with the pain by himself.

‘If there is no shield between you, he will die with you, Spock.’

He had feared as much. ‘He might choose to do so. I need to dissuade him.’

‘Impress upon him that you do not desire him to follow you into death. But it is his right. You know that.’

That was true. Dying with one’s bondmate was not always an unavoidable fate, but there were those who chose it rather than suffer the loss. Spock wondered what his own choice would be. He remembered well how he had felt when Jim had virtually died at his hands. He remembered that he had been quite determined to end his life as soon as he had seen to his last remaining duties. Now, to even imagine losing him was agony. ‘I am aware,’ he said at last. ‘Please demonstrate to me how you deal with the onslaught, Reldai. I need to prevent Jim from having to make such a decision.’

‘You cannot. Sooner or later, you will be unable to resist.’

‘Perhaps by then there will be a cure.’

‘You have more faith in the researchers than I do. But by all means. Please empty your thoughts. Prepare for a deep meditation and tell me when you are ready.’

Spock closed his eyes and focussed on breathing alone. He signalled his intent to meditate to Jim, who responded with a shield. With the hum of his bondmate’s thoughts, Spock found it difficult to focus. He had asked T’Kray if she had made similar observations, but it appeared that Leonard had a natural talent for mental shields, wielding them with an agility that rivalled his own. According to her, he could wall himself off completely, filter, or close only one way of communication, letting her meditate in peace while he still felt her presence. Scolding himself inwardly, Spock pushed that thought away as well and slipped into the peace and calm of meditation. The only sign he gave Vires was a minute nod.

Her fingers returned to his face, and her mind slipped into his with ease. The depth of the meld made words redundant, mere impressions were sufficient. So he watched her handle what beset her with growing apprehension. The foreign emotions came from everywhere. Fear, anger, revulsion, lust, greed … for each sensation she managed to restrain, another followed, and they came faster and faster, a growing tide that would soon be unstoppable. Her mind was working frantically on keeping itself free of the negative feelings – for that was the only thing they had in common: None of these sensation was positive. The fact that she could still function showed how schooled her mind really was. He would never be able to do this, not to this extent.

Perhaps, her answer was, he could. He would grow with the situation. Vires would withdraw now.

But she did not. Instead, the mind inside his tried to anchor itself to his sanity, his strength, unwilling to leave and face the madness it couldn’t escape. Already, some of the alien emotions were left unchecked, they changed, grew, melted into each other.

Spock realised what was happening and started to push at the meld, pushed at Vires’s mind, started a struggle he could never have won under normal circumstances. But the circumstances were far from normal, and with an enormous effort, he broke free. It took Spock three minutes and four seconds to compose himself and to ascertain that his thoughts were his own. He felt something frantic nudging his mind, and for a moment, he thought that he had run out of time. Then he realised that the sudden attack must have leaked something through Jim’s reluctant shield. He sent reassurance and the waters calmed. He could breathe. He was free. There was nothing in him that was not his own. Another deep breath to steady himself. Only then he opened his eyes and his entire perception to the room. Vires was quivering beside the force field that kept her locked in. He knelt beside her and reached for her shoulder. ‘Vires,’ he tried without any hope. She motioned towards the door, but flinched away from the force field instinctively. With a last look at her, Spock signalled to the guards to let him out. ‘Whoever did this to you will be found, Reldai,’ he said quietly before he was let out. ‘They will be found, and they will answer for their crime.’ Not that she could process it. The broken figure on the ground was alone in a sea of terror. It was a matter of time before it would suffocate her.

Ϡ

If he was honest with himself, Jim had to admit that he needed just this: to track someone down and perhaps force him into cooperation. He did hope that Charika helped willingly, but if the young man tried to run, he wouldn’t complain.

As it were, Charika was in a lecture. T’Kray had slipped into the auditorium and returned moments later with her unsuspecting foster child. Together, they walked him along the hall out of earshot. ‘I need to ask you a question,’ she told him coolly. ‘Are you aware that Doctor McCoy was drugged?’ Charika’s eyes went wide. He opened his mouth and closed it again. ‘Did you do it?’ The young man looked from her to Jim and then down the corridor as if contemplating an escape route. ‘Him and Spock. And if Spock dies, that makes it murder. You know that.’

‘I don’t …’ he faltered. ‘I don’t know why.’

‘Then let me find out. Let me look inside you.’

At first it seemed as if Charika would protest, but then he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. ‘Yes.’ The single word was barely audible.

T’Kray’s fingers settled on the meldpoints, and although Charika flinched, he didn’t try to escape. It seemed as if T’Kray struggled to establish any contact. The meld lasted so long Jim was tempted to interrupt by pulling her hand away. The only thing that stopped him was that he had no idea what that would do to her. A low groan started in Charika’s throat, rising to a half scream. T’Kray’s hand jerked from his face as if she had been burned. The young man swayed, and Jim had to catch him lest he fell like a rock.

‘What was that?’ he asked at last, lowering the unconscious form to the floor.

‘More of the same,’ T’Kray said. Her voice was strained. ‘Same drug as Leonard, I should think. Only he was told to pass on the gift.’

‘Was he told specifically to whom?’

T’Kray shrugged. She crouched beside Charika and reached out to him again. This time, it lasted only seconds before Charika opened his eyes to glance at them both. The Vulcan gently brushed his hair out of his face. ‘Easy. Are you able to speak to us now?’

‘I … think so. What did you do?’

‘Your exposure to the drug was a while ago. I could remove the barrier it created. I am sorry that I caused you pain.’

‘I deserve it. If anything happens to them …’

T’Kray shook her head. ‘Talk to us, Charika. Who told you to do this?’

‘Terik.’

‘The Terik? Head of the VSA? Why would he do that?’

‘I don’t know. But I knew I had to spike Leonard and Spock’s food as soon as I could.’

Jim balled his fists. ‘I’ll get him.’

‘No.’ T’Kray’s voice was sharp as a whip. ‘Too soon. We need to find out what he wants. I am certain he has a plan b in case he is found out.’ She stood and helped Charika to his feet again. ‘We cannot alert him. That means that no-one except us can know that we have found the cause or have a means to protect ourselves.’

‘T’Lin and Sinek know it was in the food.’

T’Kray looked grim. ‘They know that Len’s drug was in the food. They do not know what it does to Vulcans. We cannot protect them.’

‘T’Kray, this is wrong. We can’t …’

‘We cannot help them and risk the lives of so many others.’

‘Vulcans! These are people, T’Kray, not items you can weigh against each other.’

‘It is the only way, James. You said you trust me. Do you really?’ Reluctantly, he nodded. ‘Good. We will keep this quiet. Charika, I am sorry, but I cannot protect you from being drugged again. It would be suspicious. The substance won’t harm you permanently.’

‘No, just make me a murderer.’

‘I am sorry,’ she said again. Jim was torn between outrage and admiration for the woman. ‘The rest of us … We need our minds. I think Spock should take the antidote, too, to prevent further exposure that might speed the illness, but I’ll ask Len before.

‘What we are going to learn is what Terik wants and if there are others that want the same thing. Then, who the others are. And then we will see that they are punished.’

‘Where would you start?’

T’Kray gestured towards the auditorium. ‘There’s a lecture on psychic contamination starting in half an hour. Sounds like just the place for me to be. You return to security, please. Perhaps you find … something.’

Ϡ

‘There are 115% more humans on Vulcan than two years ago, tendency rising. There are 50% more students from Earth currently studying at the VSA than last year.’

‘Excuse me,’ T’Kray said in a carrying voice. ‘There are currently a total of six humans studying here, last year there were four. I do believe that total numbers are the way to go here.’

The lecturer shot her a look before she continued. ‘Furthermore, there are two students from Betazed. There is a known case of a Vulcan exposed to humans over an extended period of time, who was then unable to achieve Kolinahr.’

‘Unwilling, I should think,’ T’Kray said. ‘I happen to know the man, you see.’

 _Need a pick-me-up later? I sure do._  Leonard’s voice through their bond was an odd mixture of anxiety and amusement. She refrained from answering and instead took a deep breath to calm herself.

‘There has been a 200% increase of Vulcans bonded to humans in the recent past. One of them, according to a reliable source, is already infected.’ This time, she kept her mouth shut. How could anyone know that Spock was affected in the first place? Except, of course, whoever had poisoned him. If she had needed evidence that there was more than one person involved, now she had it.

_When are you coming down here, Len? Because I think I’ll appreciate something to lift me up._

The amusement from before had increased tenfold, for the moment winning over the undercurrent of dread. _I’ll be there in a bit, just need to finish this. Need to see Spock first. When you come back to Sinek’s, I’ll already be there._

‘Since this is the first time in our recorded history,’ the lecturer droned on, ‘that we experience such an epidemic, the only conclusion must be that external factors caused it. Which brings us to the topic of the lecture: psychic contamination.’ T’Kray was certain if the auditorium had been on earth, a wave of muttering would have erupted. Here, only a few eyebrows were raised. But as far as she could see, no-one seemed overly convinced. Good. ‘While our inherent telepathic abilities function mainly through touch, there is a rudimentary perception that does not require direct physical contact. The stronger telepaths among us will know that they can sense intense pain from persons in their vicinity.

‘While humans are not telepathic, they do have emotions. And they do transmit them. Every Vulcan who has been touched by a human will know this. The increased number of humans on our planet and in close contact with us, has led to a constant, if shallow mental input.’

T’Kray had enough. She shut out the lecturer and looked for a place that would work for her plan. The magnetic board was the obvious choice. Ignoring the fool and his speech, she stood and walked over. As she had expected, no-one paid much attention to her. She found a stylus and started doing what she had to. She would have liked it larger, but for now she wanted it hidden behind her person, so the size had to be somewhat limited. When she was done, she waited patiently until the lecturer paused after a particularly disgusting bit about how humans should, again, be excluded from the studies and best be sent far away from their planet.

‘I would like just a moment of your attention,’ T’Kray said, interrupting before he could continue. ‘I understand that this thought might occur. I understand that there is a need to investigate. But we should investigate ourselves, our shields, not start a purge of Vulcan. Unless we want to forget what we are. What we think is right.’ She stepped aside and spun, looking at the students. ‘This,’ she said, indicating the symbol she had drawn, ‘represents one of the central points of our philosophy. And every word that has so far been spoken in this lecture, goes directly against that. Infinite diversity in infinite combinations. If we forget that part of Surak’s teachings, we can go back to killing ourselves off right now. Good day.’

Ϡ

Leonard watched Spock with a mixture of fascination and worry as he sat in Sinek’s house, completely calm and composed, deep in meditation. How long he’d been here like this was anyone’s guess. Unwilling to interrupt the Vulcan, he had decided to wait after Blanik had beamed him directly into the house. Durlan had allowed him to come back down under the condition that he did not return to the VSA yet. The drug’s effects were almost gone, but almost wasn’t enough for Durlan – as it wouldn’t have been enough for him.

He had placed his medkit on the small table and reviewed his findings on the PADD he’d brought. He was satisfied with them already, but it was something to do.

When Spock finally broke from his trance, he seemed calm and composed, but that might well be feigned. ‘How’re you doing?’

‘I am well. I cannot detect any symptoms, but once they arrive, I shall be able to deal with them. Vires, however, is lost and I am at least in part responsible for that.’

Leonard’s heart sank. She had been a source for hope. ‘I got a counteragent,’ he said, ignoring the last part of Spock’s statement. ‘T’Kray and I think you should be taking it too, in case another dose would make you worse. Durlan’s trying to find that out.’ He smiled vaguely. ‘T’Kray and I have a slight ethical disagreement about who should be kept safe.’

‘We cannot vaccinate the entire VSA and force the perpetrators’ hands too soon. It can be only us.’

Leonard snorted, despite his mood. ‘Thought you might say that. I know she’s right, but I hate this. I don’t want to have to decide who lives and who dies. I’m a doctor, not a god.’

‘Quite correct, doctor.’ Leonard glared at Spock, but it was half-hearted. ‘I do understand your predicament, but the logical …’

Leonard groaned and Spock fell silent. ‘Don’t even start. Anyway, tomorrow I’ll be back at the VSA and start working on an actual cure. I’ll have to do some useless research that follows false theories, too. To make sure no-one finds out I’m on to them, you see. And then we’ll feed you whatever it is I cook and you’ll be fine. You hear me, Spock?’

The Vulcan allowed a small smile to touch his face. ‘Loud and clear, Leonard. And I am tempted to believe you.’


	10. Voice Without Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is from a Lacuna Coil song called Unspoken. I find it fitting.))

Jim watched patient seven over the monitor and wished he had Spock’s detachment. The Vulcan had ambled out of Vires’s cell without so much as ruffled feathers, meditating to get rid of an illogical sense of guilt. Over the past three days, Jim had managed to convince him that her fate was sealed long before his visit to her. So far, Spock claimed that he felt nothing out of the ordinary, but something told Jim that this precious time with the sword of Damocles just out of sight was all but over. He couldn’t point his finger at it, but the bond seemed more active, perhaps more distracting, than it had been before, and he feared that this was the beginning of the symptoms.

For now, however, he was acting as the security personnel he had volunteered to be. Bones was going to take patient seven to a biobed to start an attempted treatment. It was highly unethical to do research like this, the doctor had told him. The patient was doomed, however, and the VSA had declared a state of emergency that allowed any experimental treatment in the last stages of the disease. It couldn’t do any harm anyway. But it might help.

Right now, patient seven seemed calm enough. He was pacing his cell, walking around the wall like a caged lion. Jim was about to say as much when the Vulcan sagged forwards against the wall. ‘Not again,’ Bones said in a pained voice. Horrified, Jim watched him slide down, his face scraping down the wall, drawing a green stain along the way. ‘He’s doing this on purpose. I don’t know why, but this isn’t accidental. He keeps hurting himself.’

‘What can you do for him?’

‘Depends. Functionally, Vulcan brains aren’t that dissimilar to ours, but chemically there are huge differences. The problem is that this hell of a drug destroys the receptors for certain neurotransmitters. For humans they only block them temporarily, and they block different receptors. Now I can stimulate the brain to produce more of them, but not without causing intense stress. Look at him. Look at that and tell me what you think more stress will do.’

Jim sighed. ‘Can you give it to Spock yet?’

‘No. I’m not risking that.’

‘Bones, I think he’s running out of time.’

‘Listen, Jim. Developing a medication that seems to work in the lab is one thing, but using it on a patient is something else entirely. There’s always a chance something doesn’t work out as it should, and then you have caused permanent damage that could have been avoided. In someone already half dead it’s kind of all right if the alternative is standing by and shrugging, but Spock … We still have some time.’

‘And when he’s like this he’ll die either from the drug or the treatment.’

‘Or we have something less aggressive by then and he’ll be fine. Jim, I can’t promise you that I can save him, but I’ll do everything I can, and you should know that.’

Feeling foolish, Jim nodded. ‘I do. Now what do we do with him here?’

‘You go out, I deactivate the force field, you stun him, and we carry him back to the biobed on a stretcher. What else.’

They had barely strapped the poor soul to the biobed when he came back around. He started thrashing immediately, but with the little room for movement he had, he couldn’t get very far. ‘These straps will hold him?’ Jim remembered too well how easily Spock had broken free once.

‘They’re designed for Vulcan strength. They’ll hold.’

Jim decided that Bones had to know best and just kept watching, ready to fire another stun. Completely unperturbed by the attempts to attack him, Bones treated the wounds on patient seven’s face first. Only then he took the hypospray and applied it after a meaningful glance at Jim. ‘Now pray, Jim. If this works, we can get the stuff out of Spock’s system.’

Jim’s medical knowledge was rudimentary at best, but he knew how to read the medical panels. And it did look good. The readings that were far too high started to level. Bones didn’t look too optimistic, however.

Then it happened. The heart rate shot up and through the roof. Bones applied another medication, but there was no effect. The thrashing Vulcan started screaming at the top of his voice until Bones applied what seemed to be a chemical whack on the head. But even though patient seven lay still now, his heart was beating way too fast even for a Vulcan. A seizure gripped him and the readings fell rapidly until all was silent. Bones closed his eyes and shook his head. Jim walked over to him and squeezed his shoulder.

‘And you ask me,’ his friend said in a low voice, ‘if I want to try this on Spock?’

‘What happened?’

‘Panic. He died of panic, Jim. The receptors came back too fast. And this was something I could see coming from the lab test, but I couldn’t say how bad it would be. That’s why you don’t work like that.’

‘Change the dose, then.’

Bones turned away from the body and faced Jim. ‘Can’t. It’s just enough to work. I have to change the entire compound. I feared as much, but if I hadn’t tested it someone else would have.’ He rubbed his hand over his face. ‘I need to go back to the lab. If you got the time, I can tell you what we know so far.’

Jim answered by falling into step beside him. Bones told an orderly to deal with patient seven. He would be kept in a freezer for further studying. Vulcans, at least, didn’t have qualms with autopsies.

‘Good or bad news?’ Jim asked.

Bones made a face at him. ‘Both,’ he said. ‘T’Kray managed to get background knowledge on Stal and Vires and a few of the previous cases. It seems that the more controlled can withstand longer. Since Spock is a model Vulcan, that’s a good thing. It’s why he’s still fine. The problem is, when they do give, they give quickly. Stal is in constant struggle, but he’s coping some of the time. Then we can talk to him, he even cooperates occasionally. But Vires is a mess now that she’s fallen.’

‘Spock thinks that’s because of her meld with him.’

‘I don’t know. I think once she fell, she fell fast, and that would have happened anyway. Perhaps ten minutes later, but the end is the same. And here’s the thing. Once the symptoms start for Spock, we’ll have to watch him very carefully. We being you. As soon as he gets the symptoms, or let’s say serious symptoms, we must put him into a cell, too. Because once he notices that he’s losing his battle, he won’t have the time to turn himself in.’

‘You don’t really think that you’ll have a cure in time, do you?’

Bones opened his mouth and closed it when Jim stepped in front of him, forcing him to look him in the eye. ‘I … don’t know, Jim. Don’t give him up just yet, but … I really don’t know.’

‘And does it make a difference if he’s eating more of the drug?’

‘Ah, yes, it does.’ Bones smiled vaguely. ‘Anyway, Stal, with his brittle hold on himself had the symptoms almost at once but they remain relatively light, and Spock has none yet. And make no mistake, he was attacked deliberately. They took out the people with the background to solve the myth. At least they tried. Another dose for Spock would be dramatic. At least I can protect him from that.’

Ϡ

Spock looked up from the tricorder and frowned. Leonard generally passed all information he had on to him at once, but so far they had not come up with anything overly useful. It was most likely moot, at any rate. He had only a few days left, if the previous cases were any indication.

Spock needed air, needed to feel the sun burning down on him. The ship was generally too cold, the thick walls of the VSA could not keep the unrelenting heat out, but the sunlight itself.

In here, he was no good to anyone at the moment. There was no danger for Jim, but for him. And he was a threat himself. The moment he slipped, he could harm someone. He could harm his bondmate, and that would surely destroy him.

The fine sand crunched underneath Spock’s feet, the scorching wind mussed up his hair, the light of the sun blurred his vision, but that was as it should be.

Every step would bring him closer to freedom. To the shelter from everything strange and uncontrollable and foreign. Out here, there was no threat to him. Vulcan’s predators never came so close to civilisation, and out there …

Spock halted abruptly. He blinked and turned, noticing that he had ambled casually towards the desert. What that meant was clear. It was starting. And if it was starting there had to be something wrong with his mind. Sitting down right where he was, he decided to face it sooner rather than later.

Finding it was not too difficult. He had missed it, had thought the despair his own, but in fact, it was not. It was a cancer, something shifting and pulsating that ate away at him. Noting what it was and where, Spock prepared his defence, a mental bell jar to contain it. The difficult part was not to think of it, to think of something other than that sense of futility.

Even this focus was too much. The emotion shifted to something else. Something he had experienced once before, in a nightmare caused by the strange ritual that had given him decades of his life back. He was on his back, Jim poised above him, one hand on his face. He could not breathe. And he did not mind, because his attention was on the sheer desire he was feeling.

He flinched away from the fear this vision induced, fear of the very being he loved with every fibre and fear of himself. The nature of this new sensation gave him an easy out, however. Spock thought of Jim as he truly was, focussed on his affection for this human being. Only when he was certain that he was rooted in the security of the bond, he shifted the portion of his mind he had prepared as a receptacle for the foreign feeling towards it. He captured it on his first attempt.

What he wondered was if he could destroy it while it was trapped. Vires had said no such thing, but she had not warned him that it was impossible either. Shattering an emotion wasn’t something that occurred to a Reldai, but it did occur to him. He had tried it on Gol. It had nothing to do with actual control, of course, but here it might help.

He tried to remember the contact with Vires’s mind, and indeed, he believed that her partitions were somewhere in the background. Getting rid of what he had managed to trap could give him time and make it easier. This was chess, pure and simple. Do not do too many things at once. And if you cannot win, try for a deadlock. He could not win, but perhaps he managed a stalemate rather than a draw by perpetual check. If there was a moment to attempt this, it was now: now, while there was nothing new coming to haunt him too soon, just this one thing. With an effort, Spock obliterated the bell jar, including what was in it. For four minutes he remained motionless and searched himself. Only when he was satisfied that he had succeeded, he slipped out of the light meditation and rose to his feet. Brushing sand off his clothes, Spock allowed himself a small smile.

Ϡ

Leonard let the computer run its tests on an attempted change of the chemical makeup of his treatment. He leaned back in his chair, arms behind his neck, and stared at the ceiling. This would take a few minutes. ‘Thing is, Jim, there’ll be a residual risk even with the best of results. Spock may look all Vulcan, but he’s still a hybrid. So I have to take into account that a barely surviving Vulcan can mean he just won’t make it. See the problem?’ For almost half a minute, there was no response. Leonard was about to make a comment on his silence when he heard a suppressed groan. He darted to his feet and to where Jim had sunk to the ground. The Feinberger showed nothing out of the ordinary. ‘Jim … Jim, talk to me,’ he said. Grabbing one shoulder, he tilted his head up by the chin, but Jim wasn’t seeing him. His eyes were turned back, and a helpless hand started grappling at Leonard’s arm. There was nothing physically wrong, nothing that wanted medical attention. The only conclusion was that Spock was showing symptoms and Jim was suffering with him.

Before Leonard could make up his mind what he should do, it was all over. Jim blinked and focussed on him. ‘You should cut down on the brandy, Jim,’ he said with a levity he didn’t feel, earning a glare. ‘Is he all right?’

Jim shook his head, then he nodded. ‘I think so. I can’t reach him. He’s shielding.’

‘About time. What happened? Can you tell?’

Jim shrugged and grabbed Leonard’s proffered hand, letting the doctor haul him to his feet. ‘It was odd. First I felt something like desperation, and then Spock swamped me. I don’t think he knows that he was doing it. But I got the strangest vision.’

‘Vision? That’s new.’

‘I’m the first bondmate of a victim, aren’t I?’

‘What did you see, then?’ Jim licked his lips and looked away. ‘Maybe this is important. Spill it.’

‘I was … attacking Spock. More or less.’ Leonard folded his arms and stared at Jim with the no-nonsense expression he generally used on patients. It worked often enough, even on Jim. ‘Well, I was above him and holding his nose and mouth shut.’

‘And he let you?’

‘He seemed to … Bones, please.’

And then it dawned on Leonard. ‘Oh, God, what the hell do you do when you’re alone together?’

Jim glared at him. ‘I never … that’s not something I’d ever …’

‘I wonder what T’Kray would have to say to this. No, seriously. If we assume, and I think we can do that safely, that neither you nor Spock are into something of this kind, then it must be something more worrisome than a naughty fantasy.’

‘Yes. I’ll agree with you there.’ Jim massaged the bridge of his nose. ‘I’m getting a headache.’

‘You got a psychic whiplash. I’d suppose that’s to be expected.’ Suddenly something struck him, a memory that seemed a lifetime ago but wasn’t. ‘Jim … that’s what he said.’

A vague grin formed on Jim’s face. ‘Excuse me?’

Leonard threw up his arms. ‘Back on Dainam. We all had night terrors from that bacteria, remember? And Spock said he was suffocating. I was being killed by T’Kray, you by him. And he was … he never said precisely, but now I’m sure. You were smothering him!’

Jim shrugged. ‘I never asked. What difference does it make?’

‘A lot! It tells us something about what’s happening to them. Imagine having to go through what happened to us that night all the time, and getting worse.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying that I need all the data we have regarding the drug on the Covenant down here. And I need to … I need all the files Starfleet no doubt collected on the bacteria.’

‘But T’Kray destroyed them.’

‘She destroyed the cultivated stock. I’m sure there was more somewhere on the planet. I’ll bet Starfleet got their hands on it.’

‘Bad. Very bad.’

‘Nah, they wouldn’t use it, not as the natives did. But of course their scientists would be all over it.’

‘And then someone might have used it for their own devices.’

Leonard nodded eagerly. ‘Yes. And if we know how the drug is made, we know a lot more than we do now. We can isolate it in the blood, but that isn’t the same as having the actual substance on our hands. Just how’re we supposed to do that?’

Jim’s face became grim. ‘Well, let security handle it.’

‘Knock yourself out. But let’s find Spock first. Before he wanders off.’

‘He’s all right.’ Jim smiled. ‘He’s on his way here. He’ll help you. And I’ll get you a sample of that drug.’


	11. Estuans Interius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I threatened to use this chapter heading back in Air and I knew in which context it would come. It’s a song of the wonderful Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. It means Burning inside.))

T’Kray watched Stal pacing. It was only a matter of time before talking to him would become completely impossible. So far, Leonard had yet to come up with a component that didn’t do more harm than good. After the loss of patient seven, he had refused to test a component on a patient. The only result was that Sinek had done it instead on Vires. She had lived two minutes longer than patient seven after the treatment was applied. ‘Stal. Please sit down.’ The Vulcan glared at her. The guard overseeing the meeting tensed, but T’Kray ignored him. ‘Do you need a break?’ Stal shook his head vigorously. ‘Then sit.’ Stal walked over to the window and smacked his hands against the firm bars repeatedly. ‘Stop that, Stal, stop it!’ He did. Instead, he sank to the floor, his head on his knees and hands in his neck. Watching him, she used her communicator to contact Leonard. ‘Can you join me in Stal’s cell for a moment, please?’ she asked. After the confirmation she waited silently until Leonard was let in with them. ‘I told him to stop hitting the bars. Isn’t that what you said Vires did?’

Looking wary, Leonard nodded. ‘Yes. I’d told her to take a seat first. Was about a minute before I decided that it really is pointless.’

‘Perhaps not. Stal, turn around clockwise three times.’

Leonard stared at her but watched as Stal stood up and sat down on his bunk. ‘No use. Not with him or with her.’

‘Come.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘Sinek’s place. Now. Get James, I get Spock.’

Ϡ

Spock sensed that his next defensive move was imminent. He could rely on the others not to disturb him if and when he zoned out, so he had agreed to join whatever discussion T’Kray had in mind. So far, he was successfully keeping the madness at bay. Jim had finally agreed that he needed to shield if he didn’t want to be incapacitated himself.

‘Len, how far are you with another treatment?’

The doctor looked more drawn than Spock had ever seen him. He had dark rings under his eyes and seemed even thinner than usually. ‘I don’t know. We’re going to have something new, but I can’t tell you when we’ll get there. I also think that one of the people allegedly working with me are trying to manipulate results. I found one file that was tampered with. I have to oversee every step of the way, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do that. I’m not a Vulcan, I can’t stay on my feet 24/7 for days.’

‘Could you make anything of the sample?’ Jim had placed guards in the kitchens and one of them had actually managed to thwart another attempt to slip the drug into one of the researchers’ food. The substance had been brought into the lab and to Leonard immediately.

‘In fact, I could. And from the Federation data on the bacteria I can assume that the bloody stuff is even made from it, reduced to creating an effect similar to the night terrors. Without the benefits of causing rejuvenation or raising the dead.’

‘I’ve asked Admiral Ndaga for the complete background on the Tilak we met on the Morales space station,’ Jim said. ‘He sent me the file earlier today. It seems that he was on the ship that picked us up from Dainam, but there is no evidence that he’s the same who created the drug.’

‘I think we should assume he is. So we had a Romulan spy tailing us ever since we were rescued. Great. And he wouldn’t have an overly tough time hiding out here. Think he’s at the VSA?’

‘I do not believe so,’ Spock said. ‘It is much more likely that he is acting through Terik. On the VSA everyone’s background is evaluated carefully. Perhaps the Tilak assigned to the ship visiting Dainam was indeed a Vulcan and was … replaced before he even reached it. But that is not our primary concern.’

Jim nodded. ‘You’re right. T’Kray, what do you have for us?’

‘A hypothesis I cannot verify at the moment. Stal and Vires reacted in the same way to two specific orders. At my request to sit, Stal started attacking the barred window. When I told him to stop, he sat on the floor in a peculiar position. Vires did something similar before she died when Len talked to her. How identical these reactions are we cannot say for certain because there is no record of Len’s conversation with her.’

‘Yeah, and I think that that was what I told her, but I don’t know for sure. We don’t have anyone else who’s in bad enough shape to try this.’

Spock felt the nudge of anger at Leonard and realised he had no reason for it. He prepared to deal with it, but for the moment he would refrain. There was another option. ‘Doctor, do you believe that if Vires had not fought as vigorously as she did the progression would have been slower?’

‘Probably. But then we couldn’t have talked to her as thoroughly as we did.’

‘Do you believe that she would have had significantly more or less time in that case?’

‘The same, I’d guess.’

‘T’Kray, how did you perceive the night terrors caused by the bacteria when you received them?’

She shrugged. ‘It’s a long time ago and the memory isn’t as lucid as I’d like. I remembered the night I realised … truly realised that I was trapped and had lost everything. I blamed myself for all that had happened.’

‘How did you resolve it?’

‘By allowing it to happen again. By looking at myself in the memory and seeing that there was nothing I could have done.’

‘You did not fight the memory. Because I am fighting. I wonder what will happen if I cease to do so.’

Jim stared at him. ‘You’d … you can’t stop fighting, Spock. You’d …’

‘I would what, Jim?’ He looked at him. ‘I would not lose time. But I would give you an opportunity to verify the theory. I feel the urge to walk into the desert. And I believe I know why.’

T’Kray looked anywhere but at him. ‘As do I. You were all given the same order. Not to go to the caves, obviously, but something else entirely.’

‘And how do we find out what order that was?’ Leonard asked.

‘We don’t,’ T’Kray said simply. ‘And we can assume that the order was never changed because it did achieve one thing: It got all those that are affected together in the same place.’

‘To what end?’

‘To demonstrate the negative influence of humanity. To cut ties with the Federation.’ She smiled grimly. ‘You see, I think Terik and whoever is with him were fooled. There have always been those that don’t trust humans. And for Tilak, it would be one great achievement. Imagine cutting Vulcan out of the Federation, out of Starfleet. That would be a huge loss.’

‘T’Kray, please give me an order that will make it clear if our assumption was correct.’

‘Turn clockwise three times.’ Spock heard her, felt the obligation to follow the instruction and sat on the bed.

T’Kray closed her eyes with a pained expression. ‘You didn’t,’ she said quietly. ‘Spock, you didn’t.’

The anger, unchecked, had dissipated, given strength to the call of the desert. ‘If I let the foreign feelings take control, they allow whatever suggestion is in place to work. I shall leave now.’

‘Leave where?’ Jim asked in alarm.

‘The desert. It appears that my chances for survival are best there, anyway.’ Spock headed out of the door. If Jim tried to follow, he was held back by Leonard and T’Kray.

Ϡ

‘Let me go.’ Jim’s tone was that of the Captain giving an order, but T’Kray maintained her hold on him.

‘No.’

‘This is an order, Lieutenant.’

‘Yes. But I cannot. You will listen first.’

‘I’m done listening!’

‘Jim, sit down and start thinking with your head again!’ The struggling man calmed in T’Kray’s grasp, staring at Leonard as if he were the worst traitor in the world. ‘Listen! Please. He’s right. He’s safest there. He’ll have a lot more time.’

‘Why?’

T’Kray let go of Jim but remained poised to lunge if he tried to leave. ‘Because,’ she said deliberately, ‘it seems this drug doesn’t like resistance. Len, can you test if that is true?’

‘Probably.’

‘My conclusion would be that if you resist the order to go … wherever, the drug does a lot more damage. If you go with the flow, it’s less virulent. You agree?’

‘Yes. Jim, for now he’s better off there.’

‘Can’t I order him to come back?’

Leonard looked at T’Kray for an answer. ‘Doubtful.’

‘We can try.’

She smiled vaguely. ‘Yes. We can try. And I think it is worth it. But for now, let him follow the order. Let him go to the desert. I don’t think you can stop him without force, but perhaps once he’s there, you can give him a new command.’

‘I hate this. Even thinking of this. He’s not a puppet on a string.’

‘Right now, he is, in a manner of speaking.’

Jim sat down, face in his hands. ‘He’s blocking me completely. I can’t sense that he’s even there.’

‘He’s protecting you, Jim,’ Leonard said sensibly.

‘From what?’

‘The effects of the drug,’ T’Kray answered. ‘You’d be feeling them, too, and he’s stopping that from happening. As long as he can. After that you’ll have to shield by yourself.’

Jim stared at her. ‘Shield? From Spock?’ The desperation in his voice was heartbreaking.

T’Kray crouched near him and placed a hand on his arm. ‘Yes. You must. Once the effects are too strong for him, before he dies, you will be in grave danger.’

‘I don’t think I want to shield.’

‘You’ll die, James. That may sound tempting compared to the agony of a broken bond, but it is not something he would want you to do.’

‘If he dies out there, there’ll be no-one he can meld with.’

‘I’m still not planning on letting him die, you know,’ Leonard said casually. ‘I’ll get back to the lab. T’Kray, take Jim out to the caves after a bit of a delay, please. Let Spock reach there, then follow. And don’t let Jim do anything crazy.’

‘I wouldn’t.’

‘Listen, Jim. You try and override that thing in his head, but don’t take risks. This isn’t over. Keep him safe, and keep yourself safe. What d’you think he’d say if you got hurt, and then I can help him and have to tell him you’re gone?’ Jim nodded once. ‘Right. You be careful. Both of you. I’ll get back to work.’

‘You need rest, Len.’

He snorted. ‘Fat chance. I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. Not now.’

Ϡ

They had intended to give Spock three hours headway before following, and Jim thought if only he had stayed put until that time, it would have worked. He knew, of course, that this was nonsense. If he had remained at Sinek’s house, he would still have been informed of Stal’s escape, only later. And then it might have taken them even longer to capture him.

They knew one thing: He couldn’t have left the VSA. By now, security was tight enough to ensure no-one could escape. The problem was finding him within the premises and at the same time trying to determine how he got out of his cell in the first place. There was little doubt that he had been let out. However, it seemed he hadn’t got the instruction everyone else had, or he would have been caught trying to leave the VSA.

In the end, it had been Charika who had run into the poor soul in a corridor. He had alerted Jim and they had returned Stal to his cell. But they had lost two days, scouring a building with many ways to hide and little to no surveillance, rather than three hours before Jim and T’Kray finally set out towards the caves in a desert flier.

They were barely out of the vehicle when three Vulcans stepped in their path. Jim noted that none of them were those who had met them when he’d been here with T’Lin and Bones. Maybe that was a good thing. ‘What do you want?’ one of them called.

‘My bondmate is here with you. I wish to see him.’ They had argued about this. T’Kray had felt it best not to announce just why they were there. Jim believed deceit would get them nowhere.

‘Then come. No-one’s coming out to you.’

‘Unwise,’ T’Kray said quietly.

‘Bones came back alive, didn’t he?’ Jim replied. ‘Don’t wait forever. Go if I’m not back in fifteen minutes.’ Steeling himself for whatever might come, he walked over to the Vulcans. Promptly, one of them walked with him. ‘Can I have a moment alone with him?’

‘Yes. I’ll bring you to him.’ They didn’t go far. Leonard had described the interior of the cave and where they had gone. This time, they went into a different passage. ‘You’re bondmate is in here,’ the Vulcan told Jim, indicating a small room to the side.

Spock was sitting there, and for a moment Jim thought he was asleep. ‘Spock?’ he asked tentatively.

When Spock opened his eyes, some of his hope died. There was something about his glace that wasn’t right. ‘Leave. I am allowing the drug to affect me. It might give the Doctor time. I hope that you will be able to return before it is too late and apply whatever cure he comes up with.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Jim said and knelt next to him. ‘Come back with me, Spock. You wanted to go to the desert. You went to the desert. Now come back.’

Spock shook his head. ‘I cannot. My place is here.’

‘Spock, look, it can’t be that bad yet.’

The bond opened wide, and Jim landed hard on his rear. He was flooded by an array of emotions. ‘You see. When I came here, I believed that it would be easier. It is not. It is not as destructive, but equally violent. Not all emotions that assault me are negative any more, but all are strong. And I cannot contain them. Not after I first gave in. I wanted a stalemate. I have reached it.’

‘This isn’t a stalemate, Spock! This is … this is a fool’s mate!’

‘Perhaps. We shall see.’

The room was rotating around Jim, the intensity of what was happening to Spock overwhelming him. ‘Cut it out!’ he said at last and the barrier came back up. Jim sat panting, staring at the man in front of him. ‘How do you deal with this?’

‘I do not. Leave. Leave before it targets you.’

‘It? God, please. Come back with us, let us help you!’ Jim didn’t see it coming. Spock was there, his hands digging into his arms hard enough to bruise.

‘I will not. Run. Go before I harm you. I want to.’ Vulcan strength shoved him away, and he fell hard, dislocating his shoulder on the impact with the wall. Spock returned to his side, eyes wide and frightened. ‘Please. I cannot fight it. I can only let it happen and survive. If you can, forgive me. But you cannot stay.’

Shaking, Jim reached out with his uninjured arm and cupped Spock’s cheek. ‘I’ll come back for you. Don’t you … don’t you dare die on me.’

‘I shall try.’

With a last glance at the figure that was somehow transforming into a stranger, Jim fled. But the fear he felt didn’t lessen when he was safely outside. T’Kray noted the awkward way he held his arm. ‘Len will fix this.’

‘I don’t care much right now,’ Jim said. His arm was hurting, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was Spock in that cave, getting lost inside himself.


	12. Storm Shines Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((The chapter heading is a line from Serj Tankian’s Electron.))

‘I shouldn’t have delayed.’

‘Get out of my hair, Jim.’ Leonard looked intently at the screen, trying to ignore his friend. For all his sympathy, this wasn’t helpful.

‘If I’d gone at once …’

Leonard banged his fist against the table and shot to his feet. ‘If you’d gone at once, Stal might be dead. If Stal were dead, I wouldn’t have anyone to test with. If you’d gone at once, I’d have something that might or might not do some good, but I wouldn’t find out, would I now, before someone else is in as bad shape as Stal. And by then Spock would long be dead. Now what good exactly would you have done?’

Jim was gaping at him and his outburst. ‘I’d …’

‘Jim, it’s enough! I need to work. I can’t babysit you. Your shoulder’s set, you want to keep those bruises, so just take something that’ll help you sleep and let me do my job here!’

Suddenly calmer, Jim backed down. ‘Perhaps you should sleep, too, you know.’

‘I can’t. Not now. This is almost done. I’ll try it on Stal, and whatever the outcome, I’ll get into bed then.’

‘How soon will you be ready?’

‘An hour or so.’

‘Tell me. I’ll be there, too. I’ll take a nap before. Promise.’

Leonard watched Jim go and shook his head. He was stalling, and he knew it. The compound was ready. Testing once more on the computer would yield no different result than the three times before. ‘Lab here, I’d like someone from security,’ he said into the intercom.

‘Charika.’

‘What? Oh, never mind. You tell the guards when Jim comes out he can go right back. I’m getting Stal. Want to help me?’

‘Yes. To both.’

‘See you there.’

Charika had been declared clear of the influence the day before by Durlan. Apparently, whoever had used him had found that he wasn’t an ideal target because he was being watched. All the better for them. Leonard hadn’t been aware that he had joined the security forces, but it made sense, in a way.

Charika was already at Stal’s cell when Leonard got there. ‘Stal, you hear me?’ Leonard called. The Vulcan looked at him for half a minute before he nodded. ‘Look, I’ve got something that could help you. But I can’t guarantee that.’

‘Or I’ll die.’ Leonard swallowed. Stal’s lucidity didn’t make this any easier. His readings were all over the place, and yet he talked. ‘I’ll die within the day anyway, or so I was told.’

‘I … Yes. Very likely.’

‘Then try it.’

‘Right. Opening the cell.’ Stal came meekly. Leonard had expected him to try to bolt, but he never did. Leonard nodded to Jim, who had returned, and gestured at a biobed. ‘I need to restrain you.’

‘Yes.’

‘Bones, are you sure …’

‘Let me do my work or I’ll kick you out.’ Jim raised both hands and remained silent. ‘Listen. I can warn you, at least. You’ll feel fear. Intense fear. Try to fight it. Understand?’

‘Yes. How likely is it that I’ll walk out of here alive?’

Leonard had never lied to a patient in his life and he wasn’t going to start now, even if the outlook wasn’t good. ‘I can’t give you clear odds, but … your blood pressure is already way too high, and it’ll keep rising. I only know that you will die if I do nothing. And this … this is all I can do. I could minimise the risk, but there is no guarantee that it’ll be enough.’ All this would have been easier when Stal was still his haughty self. Now he was calm and settled and more Vulcan than before, and Leonard felt a deep compassion for the man. When Stal reached out and took his wrist, he swallowed. That he touched a stranger, a human on top of that, was a certain indication that something was very wrong with him.

‘If I die, you can tell if it was just that it was too late or if there was something else wrong, can you not?’

‘Yes.’

‘Proceed.’

Hesitating for only a moment, Leonard applied the application. He knew it was no good the moment the heart rate and blood pressure went up. He clasped Stal’s hand. ‘Hold on, Stal. You’re not alone.’

‘Could a meld help him?’ Jim asked.

‘It could help kill whoever melds with him.’ Leonard closed his eyes and shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Stal. I’m so sorry.

Slowly, the trembling figure stilled. ‘Now … what happens?’

‘I’ve run out of patients. Make no mistake, I’m sure there are more out there, but after Spock and me, no-one at the VSA was attacked. But this time was different. Stal was already half dead, as was patient seven. Vires, she was in better shape. Physically. She might have lived.’

‘Give it Spock, then,’ Jim said quickly.

‘No. Bringing him here will cause stress. It would end just like this. But now I know we’re on the right track. I just need to create a sedative that doesn’t antagonise the treatment.’

‘Why didn’t you use one for Stal?’

Leonard glared. ‘I did. But as you may have noticed, it didn’t work. Not because of the treatment but because of his condition. I didn’t want to do it that way, but I’ll have to knock him out. Didn’t want to risk it because then they can’t defend themselves. Might backfire, but since Spock’s revelation that letting go makes it better maybe it won’t.’ He sighed. ‘So I’ll just render him unconscious, and then he should be fine. I’ll have to see what kind of substance I can safely combine with the other two, and then we can get started.’

‘And how long will that take?’

‘Not as long as this,’ Leonard said vaguely. ‘One of us only just managed to come up with a theoretical approach how to sedate them. God, if my name ever shows up on a report on this mess, Starfleet will strike me off and give me a really ugly nickname out of the depths of history. This is all wrong.’

Jim shook his head. ‘You have no choice, Bones. You said it yourself, your alternative is standing by and shrugging. Stal and patient seven were both dying and you know it.’

Leonard took a deep breath. ‘Yes. I still hate it. I don’t know. Jim … go to sleep. Really.’

Ϡ

With nothing else to do, Jim admitted defeat. He had assumed he’d fall asleep the moment he lay down, but he had no such luck. Jim lay tossing and turning, unable to rest. He tried to sense Spock, tried with all his might to get behind the shield that was there for his protection. When some of the terror behind it started leaking, Jim felt a nudge of fear. Then something struck him. He didn’t want to stay here. He wanted to find a small house near a body of water. That was odd.

There were a hundred possibilities why his brain would conjure up such a romantic setting. But there was a reason why he was a good leader, and that reason was his almost infallible instinct. He had always trusted it, and right now, that instinct told him that the place was real. He was all but on his way when he decided it was probably wise not to go alone.

At the VSA, no-one would challenge him as long as he didn’t run into Bones. He knew that if he called someone down from the ship, he’d get them into a difficult situation. T’Kray was too likely to take matters into her own hands if he asked her, so that left one more option. Charika had informed Blanik about his lectures, so finding him was easy. The young man looked a little confused when Jim told him he was pretty much setting out into the blue, but he agreed to come. Jim had made it very clear that this was not an order. He didn’t want to use his command for what could be an embarrassing stunt that led nowhere. Charika, for one, wouldn’t judge him.

This time, they walked. The same impulse that told him where to go also let him know it wasn’t too far. The sun was already setting and the temperature bearable. Jim had grabbed enough water for them both and a medkit just in case. He had also grabbed two phasers and passed one to Charika. ‘I trust you know how to fire them,’ he said.

‘Sure. I just hope I don’t have to.’

Jim smiled. ‘Me too.’

‘What precisely are we doing here, James?’

‘Ah. I wondered if you’d ask.’ He pursed his lips. ‘This is going to sound very strange.’

‘I grew up with people that can rejuvenate others with a weird ritual. How much stranger can it get?’

Despite himself, Jim laughed. ‘True. Well, here it is. Spock went into the desert because he was called there. But the order he got was something else. None of us knew what, but I think … I think that I know. You know we’re linked?’

‘I know what a bond is.’

‘Yes, raised by a Vulcan and all that. Stupid question. And I think … I sense the order he got through our bond, only a different instruction. The real one. I think.’

‘But he’s fulfilled it.’

‘It’s also keeping him there.’

‘Perhaps it is because you haven’t followed it yet, and the two of you are almost a unit.’

Jim halted abruptly and stared. ‘I’ll ask him that when he’s well again. It sure sounds plausible. But then … me going here might allow him to leave. Once I reach my destination, that is.’

‘It might. Or not. What do you expect to find?’

Jim had a good idea what, or rather whom, he would find, but for now, he kept it to himself. ‘Perhaps the source of the problem. Charika, this could be dangerous.’

‘That’s what they told me when I said I want to go into space.’

‘Point taken. Be prepared to fire if you have to defend yourself. And be prepared to run if I order you to.’

‘I thought this isn’t official.’

Jim frowned. ‘Listen here, I …’

Charika laughed. ‘I’ll do what you tell me. I’m just trying to calm myself.’

Jim patted him on the back. ‘You’ll be fine.’

Ϡ

At long last, Leonard’s resolve had crumbled. He’d asked T’Kray to keep an eye on whoever was taking over for him and fallen into bed at Sinek’s. He was woken abruptly by a tug at the bond. Gentle as it was, it tore him from sleep. T’Kray needed him at the VSA, and apparently she needed him there now.

A look at the chronometer told him he had slept for five hours. Not enough, but better than nothing. He was intercepted by T’Kray at the entrance. ‘Sinek is dead. He said he wanted to do some research with a combination of agents that might work together. He did. He used them on himself.’

‘He did what?’ Leonard demanded. ‘What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you all have a bloody martyr complex? First Spock, now Sinek. Spock has an excuse, at least.’

‘So does Sinek. He must have had a reason to believe that he would be all right.’

‘I’ll find out. I’ll start right now.’

‘Please look at T’Lin first. She was brought in and is unconscious.’

They had stepped into the VSA’s lab. T’Lin occupied one of the biobeds there. Leonard gave the monitor a cursory glance. ‘Healers’ job. I don’t touch broken bonds. Not my line of work.’

‘Len.’

‘No, T’Kray. I don’t know what to do with her. I could do more harm than good, I could do something unethical by forcing her to live, and I won’t.’

Reluctantly, T’Kray nodded. ‘You’re right. But if I make contact with her, you will?’

‘Go ahead.’ He waved an orderly to his side. ‘Prepare Sinek for an autopsy.’ He rubbed the bridge of his nose and watched T’Kray hovering next to the poor widow. The contact was short. ‘And?’

‘She does not wish assistance.’

‘Thought so. What’ll happen to her?’

‘Depends on the depth of their bond. I couldn’t say.’ Leonard shuddered. ‘You were aware of the possible dangers of a bond with a Vulcan, Len.’

He shook himself and walked towards his bondmate. ‘Yes, I was,’ he said gently. ‘And if you asked me right now if I’d do it again, the answer would be a loud and clear yes.’ He smiled vaguely. ‘Not that you need telling.’ He let go of whatever barriers he had and a smile formed on T’Kray’s face. ‘Now let me see what killed Sinek. Perhaps it wasn’t for nothing.’

Ϡ

The small house looked exactly as Jim had seen it in his mind’s eye, as far as he could tell in the dark. Jim strongly suspected that Tilak had made this place his residence. Perhaps he could control everything from here, monitoring his progress somehow. Jim had faced worse things than one rogue Romulan who seemed to be acting alone.

Approaching the house from an angle where he had some cover was the best they could do here. That they walked couldn’t hurt either. The closer they drew, the more the house looked like it had been abandoned a long time ago. One window was broken, all others half blind, and the rendering was crumbling where the wall was exposed to the harsh winds. Considering that they were in the middle of nowhere, that was to be expected.

Gesturing to Charika to stay behind, Jim crouched low and scuttled closer. He was listening intently, cataloguing every small noise. There was the soft sound of the water, disturbed slightly by the wind. There was some sort of scuttling sound, off towards the water, certainly not made by anything larger than a rat. From the house there came nothing, no hint that anyone was in there.

The sun had already set completely, so there was a chance that Tilak was asleep. But they hadn’t seen any light at dusk, so he was either aware of them – however that was possible – or maybe not present.

When Jim reached the door unchallenged, he gestured to Charika to follow. The young man made very little noise. He had spied for T’Kray before, so he knew what he was doing. Carefully, Jim tried the door. It opened without sound or resistance. Almost afraid of breathing, Jim slipped inside, keeping his back to the wall. Charika followed his example, looking to the other side.

In here, the dark was even more oppressive. They waited until their eyes adjusted enough to let them move without crashing into any objects. Judging from the furniture, this was a living room. It was relatively large in proportion to the house. Any other rooms had to be small enough to take in at a glance. An open doorway lay to their right on the far end of the room. The wall in front of them, opposite to the entrance, had no door. The one to their left was closed. Jim leaned close to Charika and whispered: ‘Wait here. Watch the open door.’ He approached the closed one to get a better look. From their perspective, it opened to the inside. Good. Casting about for something, Jim found a metal jug of water. He drained it and placed it cautiously on the ground before the door. No matter how carefully someone opened, they would hear it. Charika grinned when he returned.

The next room was the bedroom. It seemed completely empty. Charika gestured under the bed. Jim realised that looking would be dangerous, placing him in a vulnerable position. Not looking would be folly. Giving his companion a meaningful look, Jim dropped to his stomach and pointed his phaser at the dust bunnies. He shook his head at Charika and they returned to the living room.

Jim put the jug out of the way, and they opened the passage. Behind it was a bathroom and it was just as empty as the rest of the house as far as people were concerned. However, the room itself had been transformed dramatically.

Vulcan bathrooms were a very simple affair. This one’s facilities, including the sonic shower, were still accessible, but on every spare inch except for a small space to move, there were things that belonged into a laboratory. ‘What the hell is that?’ Charika asked, his voice normal now they had established that they were alone.

‘I’d say that this is where Tilak cooks his drug,’ Jim said drily. He leaned against the wall and sighed. ‘Damn him, where is he?’

Charika shrugged. ‘Perhaps we should just wait. He might come back.’

Jim nodded. Charika was right, of course, but somehow he didn’t think so. ‘I doubt it. But we’ll search the place at daytime. See if we find where he went.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘I’ll get him. I’ll get him, and when I do, he’ll be really sorry.’


	13. Strangling Myself in My Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((The chapter heading is from the song Beatus by Serj Tankian.  
> I just noticed that I never named the ship that picked up Kirk and the rest on Dainam so I did that now. And I wasn’t at all thinking of Torchwood. *cough*))

At first, Leonard had thought that Sinek had died of stress like the patients before him. With the result of the autopsy, he started to feel some hope. There were no signs of stress at all. Sinek had followed Leonard’s protocol how the process should be done to the letter, foregoing only the sedative before treatment because he was not initially ill and frightened. He took the compound that consisted of the treatment and a milder tranquilliser. It was the former that had killed him. His brain had responded perfectly, creating receptors that were very simply too many for over-active Vulcan blood chemistry.

The conclusion was that the treatment and tranquilliser worked together well and that there was an excellent chance Leonard could apply it to Spock. He had run separate tests to find if there was any interference of his hybrid genetic code to be expected, but the risk of severe complications because of it was negligible. All they needed was Spock.

Leonard wasn’t fool enough to run off into a cave system full of half-mad Vulcans on his own. He would take three security men and this time he was prepared to stun his way to Spock if he had to. Taking someone else to test on them first wasn’t an option. He needed to sort his friend out, and the less time passed, the better.

When Leonard’s communicator beeped, he jumped. ‘I’m on leave,’ he said pointlessly before answering.

‘Sorry to disturb you, Doctor, but I cannot seem to reach the Captain. Admiral Ndaga asked me to take a message to him.’

‘Can you give me the message?’ Jim had been swallowed by the ground. There were people searching for him, but so far they had no success, even after they had looked into every nook and cranny of the VSA and its immediate vicinity. Leonard was worried sick, but there was little he could do. The only good thing was that Charika had vanished with him, so whatever it was he was doing, he wasn’t all by himself. At this moment, no-one needed to know that Jim had decided to run off without his communicator. He was on leave, after all.

‘I have no instruction to the contrary,’ Zh’Rane said. ‘He found that the Vulcan Tilak that arrived at the USS Ianto before it went into orbit around Dainam was not … well, Tilak. The person who did arrive certainly looked very much like him, but there are differences between the pictures taken for his file on the Morales later and those that existed before his departure. Where Tilak was replaced and how he doesn’t know, but apparently the Ianto and then the Morales had an impostor.’

‘Thank you, Zh’Rane. Confirms our suspicion nicely. Any idea who he is?’

‘The Admiral has managed to communicate with someone of the Romulan Star Empire. It seems they are missing a criminal, and his profile picture looks a lot like our Tilak. He is wanted for some sort of organised crime it seems. I’ll send you the report, if that’s all right.’

‘You do that.’

‘Sir … can I ask a question?’

Despite himself, Leonard smiled. ‘No, you can’t talk to Charika. I don’t know where he is right now, but when I see him I’ll tell him you called.’

He could almost hear her blush – as far as that was visible in an Andorian. ‘Thank you. Covenant out.’

Leonard closed his communicator and sighed. ‘Woe betide you when I find you, Jim,’ he said. At least it was simple: He had to find Spock and heal him. Then Spock could use the bond as a homing device and find Jim. Piece of cake, really.

Ϡ

‘James?’ Charika’s voice was tentative.

‘I’m awake,’ Jim had had the presence of mind to take equipment for a night in the desert, and he had advised to sleep outside. There was a slight chance that Tilak returned at one point, and he didn’t want to be caught asleep. They had retreated to the edge of the water and found a place behind the lush growth – by Vulcan standards – that would hide them at night.

‘What do we do now? I mean … how do we look for him?’

Jim sighed. ‘We go through the house. I doubt we’ll find anything, but it’s worth a try. Then we’ll see if he left a trace of some sort. Perhaps he dragged something behind him.’

‘How far could he have gone?’

‘Depends if he walked or if he had a desert flier. On foot, he wouldn’t have gone far. There’s not much else in this direction. Any major settlements are the other way from the VSA. But of course, he could have gone there just as easily.’

‘Can’t we ask the Covenant to look for him?’

‘Of course we can. But I want to catch him myself and with his pants down.’

Charika snorted. ‘Sounds practical. For us.’ A slight reddish tint was touching the horizon, announcing the approaching dawn. A strange sound filled the air, coming from far away. It was like nothing Jim had heard in his life. ‘What is that?’ Charika sounded stricken.

Jim shook his head. ‘I haven’t the faintest idea.’ He got to his feet and started to look around. And then he saw them. ‘Look. Over there.’

Charika scrambled to a kneeling position, apparently so caught up he forgot to rise, and stared.

Birds. Large birds, more beautiful than anything Jim could have conjured up in a dream, flew in formation perhaps five hours from their position. They were huge and brilliantly white – so much so they seemed to emanate light rather than reflect it. And they sang, loud and clear and more melodious than the most gifted blackbird or even a nightingale. Without an apparent cause, one of the birds fell out of the sky and the rest of them scattered, suddenly silent. ‘Well, there’s someone there, and I don’t think they’re Vulcan,’ Jim said drily.

‘Doesn’t look like it. Do we go there?’

Jim considered for a moment. ‘Eventually. I’d rather take a look at the house first. But we know in which direction to go. Come on.’

Inside they found a PADD with notes about the success of an operation. It mentioned an unforeseeable reaction and in the end the idea to implement that slight difference in the plans. It also included a map where two cave systems were marked. Perhaps Tilak only knew his victims were in a cave but not in which of the two, but somehow Jim doubted that this was the reason. One was likely the one he had visited, given its relative position on the map. The other lay in the direction they had just seen the birds.

They also found a phaser. Jim didn’t dare to assume that Tilak was unarmed, but at least he had one weapon less.

Judging from the things that had been left behind, Jim also concluded that Tilak was, indeed, alone. So they had an advantage on him in that at least. ‘When we find him,’ he said at last, ‘I want to take him alive. I don’t want him to have the honour of dying in battle. He’ll be tossed into a cell by the Federation and rot there until he dies.’

‘Why would he want to be killed?’

Jim shook his head. ‘He’s Romulan. He’ll try to provoke us. And I know it’ll be hard for me not to pull that trigger if he knows about Spock and spews filth about him.’

‘Can he know?’

Jim hoisted his equipment onto his shoulders. ‘I think so. He must have someone he’s in contact with at the VSA.’

‘But then he must know where his victims are. He can’t be uncertain.’

Jim nodded slowly. ‘Yes. You’re right. I’ve been wondering. Shelter? He may be expecting us. By now our absence will have been noted. And Terik might have warned him.’

‘Then he could move further away. Or deep into the cavern.’

‘If that image is accurate, the cavern isn’t deep. I suppose he didn’t mean to leave the PADD behind. He also left a phaser. I guess he made a hasty retreat.’ He shrugged. ‘If we don’t find him we’ll go back to the VSA and have the Covenant look for a Romulan. That’ll be a bit difficult, but not impossible.’

‘James … how is Spock? Can you tell?’

Jim pursed his lips. ‘He’s alive. But I have to shield again. He’s … not well and getting worse.’

‘What happens if he dies?’

Jim swallowed. He really didn’t want to think about it, let alone discuss it. He still answered. ‘Then I might be affected even with a shield. But I’m … I can’t just drop dead when … if he dies.’

‘You’ll protect yourself then?’

‘Yes. I’ll … somehow I’ll survive it. I won’t be a happy man, but I’ll live. Isn’t that great?’

Ϡ

Leonard was at the head of the team that stormed the caves. He had armed himself and the moment it was clear that they weren’t allowed access, he had stunned the three sentinels without remorse. Not caring about his own safety, he had barged forwards, anger and fear for his friend fuelling him. Spock was no longer in the room Jim had described, so on they went, looking from one corridor to the next until at last they found him crouched into a corner, looking from one to the other like a trapped animal. ‘Spock,’ he said gently. ‘Do you know me?’

Spock tensed against the wall, back, arms, and palms pressed against the rock. ‘Go away!’

Leonard shook his head. ‘You’re breaking Jim, Spock. Come with us. Let us help you and him.’

Spock seemed to want to become one with the wall behind him. ‘No.’

Leonard’s patience was wearing thin, but he wanted to avoid taking him by force if he could. ‘Spock … I’ve never harmed you in my life, and deep down you still know that. You’re sick, and finally, I can cure you. Fight. Fight this!’

For an instant something flickered in the haunted eyes, but the moment passed and Spock decided to take the bull by the horns, it seemed. He flew from the wall like a coil spring, crashing into Leonard. Spock’s head crashed right into his solar plexus and Leonard landed on his back. He wanted to shout not to hurt Spock, but he couldn’t even breathe, let alone speak. He saw the stun beam and relief flooded him even as panic and reason struggled within him. A few moments … just a few moments and he would be fine. Rationality won out over terror and Leonard struggled to a crouch, eyes screwed shut. He felt the locked muscle inside him give a little and he breathed, grateful for the simple fact that he could do so.

‘Doctor!’

He waved the guard away. ‘I’m fine,’ he croaked. ‘Diaphragm spasm. Happens. I’m good.’ His breathing was still slightly laboured, but that wasn’t important. Standing seemed a bad idea for the moment, so he covered the half metre between him and Spock on his knees and took his pulse. Another wave of relief flooded him at the insanely fast Vulcan pulse that seemed just right. ‘Take him. Careful. Don’t hurt him.’ Steeling himself, Leonard got to his feet. He noted that while he still ached he’d been much worse in his life. He couldn’t even get himself to be angry at Spock. All he wanted was to see the poor man be himself again.

Ϡ

Leonard was staring at the monitor with growing concern. He felt a hand on his shoulder and covered it with his own. ‘I had the impression you need me here,’ T’Kray said softly, and he nodded.

‘He should have come round by now,’ he replied. ‘I don’t dare give him the sedative before he wakes up, and I don’t dare wake him with another chemical because I don’t know how that would interfere. And his vital signs aren’t good. He’s going to die on us if he doesn’t wake soon. I honestly don’t know what to do.’

‘T’Lin is dead.’ Leonard closed his eyes and tried not to weep. It was a mark of how sleep-deprived he really was that he hardly succeeded. Gentle fingers threaded into his hair. ‘I’m sorry Len. You couldn’t have forced her to live without a struggle, and if you had, it wouldn’t have been a favour.’

‘No-one should have to go through this.’

With a sigh, T’Kray crouched beside him. ‘Well, she didn’t. She chose not to experience the pain. For her, it was the easier way.’

Leonard shook his head. ‘I don’t know. I understand her to a degree, and at the same time I feel like a traitor because I don’t know … I don’t know if I’d do the same.’

T’Kray’s warm smile startled him. It seemed out of place in his despair. ‘You’re human. And so is Jim. There are no other beings in this universe with such a sheer will to live no matter what. You’ll always fight death to the bitter end and often defy it. You laugh in its face and manage to live despite the worst odds.’

‘You make it sound like that’s always a good thing.’

‘I’m not sure if dying is the right choice, Len. When I lost my first bondmate in the crash on Dainam, I was forced to live, you could say. And I hated them for it, at first. I don’t now, as you can imagine.’ Finally, Leonard managed to smile back, and it was genuine. ‘I love you more than anyone in my life. You know that. But I, too, have no wish to die. I do not know if I would choose to do so if I lost you. Perhaps. Perhaps not.’

‘Don’t.’

‘Well, you wouldn’t be there to stop me.’

He glared at her, but he knew there was no conviction in it. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Spock stir. ‘Hey, Spock. You’re at the VSA. You’re safe, as far as that’s possible.’ The dark eyes of his friend were wide and scared. ‘You’ll be calmer in a moment.’ The Vulcan started to struggle against the restraints, and Leonard applied the sedative. ‘Rest, Spock. When you wake up, all will be well.’ Gradually, the fear left Spock’s face and his struggling ceased. Still he kept looking at Leonard. It would be a few minutes before he was out. The effects of the drug prevented it.

‘How long before I sleep, Leonard?’ Spock’s voice was very low.

‘I’d think three minutes,’ he responded.

‘Odds of survival?’

Leonard shook his head. ‘I have no idea. Do you … do you want me to try or do you refuse treatment?’

Spock’s eyes crinkled ever so slightly. ‘I want to live, Leonard. I have to.’ He swallowed. ‘I believed I would have more time in the desert.’

‘I think your fierce hold on yourself before you went caused the effect to be stronger when you let go,’ T’Kray said. ‘Your defence against the force of the disease caused it to become more violent even when you give in voluntarily. We did not foresee this.’

‘You could not.’ Even in what might be his last lucid moments, Spock offered absolution.

Leonard swore that he’d never yell at him again in his life and knew he’d never keep that promise. ‘Go to sleep,’ he said mildly.

‘I need to say farewell to Jim. In case I do not wake up.’

Leonard nodded. His hand closed into a fist, nails digging into his palm so hard it hurt. Spock’s eyes closed, even the simple act of communicating through the bond apparently almost too much. After perhaps half a minute his features relaxed and his head turned slightly to his side. The monitor showed that he was sleeping.

Leonard had very rarely been so afraid of what he had to do. His hands were steady when he injected the compound. The increasing heart-rate nearly made him bolt, but at the same time he was paralysed. The readings climbed much more slowly than in the previous tests, but still they did, refusing to stop. Leonard tore his eyes from them and stared at Spock’s face again, praying silently but with fervour. For Spock and Jim and for the time they deserved so much but might not have.

 

 


	14. Tag und Nacht ist dein

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((After a while of nothing of the sort, Bach again with BWV 71, God is My King. Title means Day and night are thine. And apart from an epilogue this is the last chapter.))

They could already see the cave when Jim felt it. He stopped walking and shook his head at Charika before he started to speak. A smile stole onto his face as he sensed Spock, calmer than before and certainly aware of himself. He dropped his carefully constructed shield to allow communication.

_My T’hy’la, can you come to the VSA quickly?_

Jim swallowed. _I am not in the vicinity. Why?_

A moment of concern followed, but it was quelled quickly. _Leonard will apply his medication._

_No, wait! I can be back in about a day._

_I do not have that time, Jim. It must be now. Promise me to shield yourself against what may happen. Please._

Jim felt his knees give at the edge of his perception. _I promise you, Spock._

_I love you, Jim. Always._

The contact blinked out before Jim could respond. He found himself on his knees, fingers clawed into the hot sand. Charika watched him with an alarmed expression. Jim closed his eyes and focussed inwards, hating himself as he reconstructed the wall around his mind. He would know if Spock died and it would probably knock him unconscious. But he would very likely live. Spock had insisted a short time after they had bonded that he must learn how to construct such a shield just in case. He wished he had refused. Then he wouldn’t have to do this now.

Sitting down more comfortably, Jim waited for what would come, hoping with all his heart that in a few minutes he would feel the gentle nudge of Spock’s mind, announcing that he was well and he could let go of the shield. He could sense that something was happening behind that wall, but there was no way to tell what it was, not even if it was good or bad. Then the wall shuddered under an almost irresistible force. And then all was silent and Jim felt like falling into a pit as he realised what it must mean.

Ϡ

T’Kray strode through the corridors with more purpose than she had nerve. She had seen where Spock’s readings went and was unable to stay put. So she gathered two security men and hoped fervently that they were on her side while she prepared herself for a coup de main that could end her career or even her life.

She barged into Terik’s office without a warning, the door banging against the opposite wall. Unable or unwilling to see her intent, he looked impassive. ‘T’Kray, what can I do for you?’

‘You can tell me,’ she said pleasantly, ‘why you have people speak of psychic contamination. Why you poison scientists and a Reldai, of all people. Why you collaborate with a Romulan. What is the purpose of your folly?’

‘I assure you that I do not know what you speak of.’

‘I heard your minion’s lecture,’ she said dismissively. ‘How can you have people preach seclusion?’

‘I seek to return us to Surak, T’Kray. You cannot see that because you abandoned his philosophy before you abandoned the planet.’

Folding her arms, T’Kray glanced at him. ‘How?’

‘You wear your emotions on your face.’

‘Then tell me what I feel now.’ Terik hesitated, and T’Kray raised her eyebrows. ‘Tell me what I think and feel, Terik, if I am so obvious.’ She approached him slowly. ‘Come one. Speak up. Don’t be shy.’

‘Your human colloquialisms are just another demonstration of your contamination. Not to mention being bonded to a human.’

‘That human is trying to save those you wanted killed. With you out of the picture, it won’t be difficult to make sure everyone is aware of that. Tell me, is there a method to your selection, or do you poison random people?’ When no answer was forthcoming, she continued. ‘I believe at first you weren’t picky. Then Stal showed up, and with his background he would have had you with your back against the wall in the blink of an eye. So you got him sorted out. Then Len and Spock.’

‘Len … Not only do you consort with a human, you use a nickname as if you were one of them. You really have no decency.’

T’Kray made a small gesture with her left hand to the guards, but Terik was faster. From under the desk, he produced a phaser and fired at random. The beam caught T’Kray’s arm, singing through the fabric and her skin. She drew a sharp breath. When Terik sank stunned to the floor she fought the impulse to kill him then and there. Instead, she opened her communicator, controlling the pain. ‘T’Kray to Covenant. My location, three feet from me. Beam that scum directly into the brig until we all come back.’

Ϡ

Driven by white-hot hatred, Jim had dropped almost all caution on the last few metres. If he were alone, he’d have barged in without thinking twice. But there was Charika, and no matter what, he wouldn’t let the poor man die for his own recklessness. The bond was gone, torn from his mind, and all he heard was the noise of the blood rushing through his veins. The shield Spock had taught him still remained, perhaps would be there forever, protecting him from the abyss that must be where the link to Spock had been.

Tilak wasn’t in his cave. A part of Jim wanted to sit down and cry. Another wanted to point the phaser at himself and shoot. Mostly, however, he wanted to find this creature. Find him and kill him, preferably with his bare hands.

They found him outside. Or rather, he found them, jumping down from the rock he had made his home for a few nights. Jim’s damaged shoulder sent a jab of searing pain down his arm when the joint was dislocated again. He gripped the offended limb in a helpless act and saw Tilak spin and kick Charika hard in the groin.

Ignoring the injury, Jim jumped at him, bringing them both down. ‘Tilak, you will pay for this,’ he grated and managed to ram his fist into the other man’s nose, but the Romulan recovered quickly, and Jim found himself straddled with two strong hands squeezing the air from his throat. Something incomprehensible that didn’t sound Vulcan was hissed at him. The next moment, Tilak fell away from him, screaming in rage and pain and holding his ears. The moment Jim scrambled away, a phaser beam to his head silenced Tilak for good. Tearing his eyes away, Jim looked at Charika. He felt laughter building in his gut, a completely mirthless, hysterical laughter that didn’t speak of a healthy mind. Charika’s widening eyes did nothing to improve his condition. It took minutes before Jim caught himself.

‘Captain, are you all right?’

Wiping tears from his eyes, Jim nodded. ‘No,’ he said. Charika’s concern became even more apparent. ‘What did you do to him? I mean besides the obvious.’

‘I … well, T’Kray told me that Vulcans have superior hearing. She also told me that physically, Vulcans and Romulans aren’t that different. And when I went spying for her, she taught me that if I hit my hands against someone’s ears it’d hurt him.’

Jim raised his eyebrows. ‘Wouldn’t be my first choice if I have to defend myself.’

‘Wasn’t the only thing she told me about defence, but it seemed … well, logical.’

Jim scratched his head. ‘Yes. Indeed. Well done. And thank you. Are you all right? I saw how he kicked you.’

Charika screwed up his face. ‘Hurts like hell.’

‘Bones will take a look at you.’ He glared at the body at their feet. ‘Let’s get that one back to the Covenant. Shame you had to kill him.’

‘I’m not sorry. I’m scared because I’m not sorry.’

Jim smiled, and to his surprise it was genuine if sad. ‘It happens. You lose your innocence out here in space. Everyone does. But you need not let it break you. Talk to T’Kray later. That’s an order.’ For the second time in a short time, Jim felt his legs give under him without a warning. He felt his knees collide with the stone concealed beneath the sand, but the pain didn’t register in his beset mind. A smile stole onto his face as he slipped into a few moments of blissful unconsciousness.

Ϡ

A sickly, medical smell filled the air, the regular beeps of instruments monitoring a patient. Regular, fast respiration revealing the fear in the individual it came from. Two hands squeezing one of his and a gravelly voice, laden with emotion, begging for breaths to be taken, for a heart to beat, for life to finally be victorious. ‘Come one, you’re almost there. You can do it. Don’t die on me now.’ He could not speak. But he could squeeze the hands holding his. A sigh of relief followed this and the hands fell away, removing an emotional input that wasn’t entirely unfamiliar but not the one he craved either. ‘Don’t struggle. You’ll be better in a minute. Promise.’ The voice sounded strained. He tried to focus on breathing. In and out. Slow. Calm. ‘Yeah. That’s it. Long, even breaths. Just like that.’ He opened his eyes. The man hovering over him had dark rings under his bright blue eyes, but they were smiling. A hand patted his cheek and he managed to frown. A laugh bubbled from the good doctor. ‘Water?’ He nodded. A pair of hands gripped his shoulders, stronger than they looked, helping him to a sitting position. A glass was lifted to his lips and he drank eagerly. ‘Easy. Yeah. Easy. You’re not twenty anymore.’

‘Indeed.’ His own voice sounded unfamiliar.

‘Congratulations, Spock, you’re the first to survive the treatment. Frankly, you scared the hell out of me here.’

‘Doctor, are you harmed? I remember attacking you.’

Leonard waved him away. ‘You just winded me. Question. Can you locate Jim?’

‘He is shielding and probably unaware of my improvement. To bring down his shield might render him unconscious.’

‘Can you check if that’s all right? I want him to know you’re fine. He fled from all this and I don’t want him out there risking his neck because he thinks he’s got nothing to lose.’

Spock nodded and closed his eyes. Jim had constructed the barrier perfectly. It worked as it should: When Spock’s life had been in jeopardy, it had blocked their link off completely. Only the most basic of transmissions was possible. From the dull ache, Spock could only assume that Jim had believed him dead the moment the link closed. He regretted not to have told him what he would feel if the link was blocked or what a broken bond felt like. The latter would not seem like their link vanishing but like a rod of fire burning through his mind. T’Kray would be able to tell him a thing or two about that.

Deconstructing Jim’s wall was possible for Spock, but he wanted to be certain that his bondmate was relatively safe when he did it. If he were in immediate danger, Spock would sense the agitation, but there was none of that. Cautiously, he willed the barrier away. It cost him more strength because it had been Jim who had erected it. The moment it went and the contact between them was re-established he knew Jim was out cold. His mind, however, was turning in a circle, unable to grasp the simple fact that Spock still lived. He enveloped him, calmed, soothed, and let him feel the life in him. And by degrees Jim regained his awareness until he could communicate. _Spock … am I insane?_

_I can assure you that you are not._

Unadulterated joy danced across the bond, filling Spock with a warmth no fire could provide. _And you’re all right again?_

 _I shall be fine. Please return to me._ With the bond accessible again, it was easy to get an idea of Jim’s surroundings. _You are … in the desert?_ A host of emotions flowed over to Spock. _Jim, you are overwhelming me._

The flux eased a little. _Sorry, my love, it’s just so … well. We’ve found Tilak, but he died fighting us. We’re bringing him back, that’ll slow us. But we’ll be there in two days or so. Too long. Too damn long. Want to see you right now._

_If you give me your location, someone can pick you up with a desert flier. That might be preferable to carrying a rapidly decaying corpse._

_Yes. Now you mention it. You see, I have no communicator on me, so I didn’t even think of that. I’m between that oasis off to the east of the VSA and a small cavern in a huge mountain range._

_Someone will pick you up._

Ϡ

When Jim had arrived at the VSA, Bones had treated his shoulder before sending him straight up to the Covenant. He had released Spock to Durlan’s care, telling her firmly not to let him do anything of any significance for the next two days but allow him to spend that time in his quarters rather than in sickbay. He’d asked Jim what he thought about cutting their leave short after they had collected the remaining victims and treating them. Hardly listening, Jim had agreed before contacting his ship to be beamed up. He wanted to get away from here. He needed to.

He raced through the ship, hesitating before the door to their room. Illogical, Spock would say. He smiled and stepped inside. Spock was apparently expecting him, sitting at the desk. All the things Jim had wanted to say left his mind as he closed the distance between them with a lump in his throat. The Vulcan rose to meet him and he held him tightly, pressing his face against the strong chest, inhaling deeply and not caring about the tears of joy.

‘Oh God,’ he managed at last. He withdrew and took the beautifully sculpted face into both hands. ‘I thought … I thought I’d lost you.’

Spock’s eyes were smiling when he looked at him, full of love and compassion. The strong hands rested loosely on his sides. ‘Jim … I need to ask your forgiveness.’

‘For what?’

‘I harmed you. To assault a bondmate is a serious crime.’

Jim shook his head and buried his face in Spock’s chest again. ‘I’ll be fine. We should both slacken off a bit, but if you’d really wanted to hurt me I wouldn’t be standing here.’ He caressed Spock’s temple, watched the striking eyes close at the touch. ‘So what did Durlan say?’

‘That I am still affected, but improving. I need to return to her every seven hours until Leonard says differently. She is sending the results down to him after testing. I believe he wishes us to have privacy.’

‘What about Sinek’s place?’

‘Sinek and T’Lin are dead. He tested the treatment and died because it is fatal to a healthy Vulcan. T’Lin …’ Spock faltered.

‘Died because she lost him.’ Jim held Spock tighter still. ‘I can’t imagine life without you anymore. When you reopened our link I thought I was dying and I was so … relieved.’

He felt Spock’s breath whispering against his hair when the Vulcan spoke. ‘It is a decision every individual must make for themselves when the moment comes. The longer a bond lasts, the more difficult it is to survive its severance. Our bond is relatively recent, but a weaker form of it has existed for many decades. I am not certain if at this point it would still be a choice for either of us.’

‘Let’s … not tell Starfleet that.’

‘No. Better not.’

Feeling better, Jim extricated himself from the tight embrace. ‘So. Do we do as Bones told us and stay put, or do we help?’

‘Does he require our assistance?’

‘I doubt it. And even if he did, he’d kick us out.’

‘Then I believe we should both take advantage of the one thing we have here that is not available on Vulcan.’

Jim smiled at him, for once unable to guess at Spock’s meaning. ‘And what is that?’

‘A large bathtub, Jim.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I don’t know if anyone bought that I was going to kill Spock. I don’t think I could do that anymore than Bones back in Water. But I nearly did kill T’Kray when she went to Terik. A friend begged me not to when I told her on the way home from work. And she was right. Poor Bones. What was I thinking?))


	15. Adventure Rings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Chapter heading is from the R.E.M. song Electron Blue.))

The Covenant was on the way to Starbase 10. Vulcan government didn’t care one bit about what would happen to Terik, so when Starfleet had asked to take him into custody they had agreed. Two more Vulcans had come forth and admitted participation in the conspiracy and feeding the drug to unsuspecting people. Their judgment would be a comparatively mild one. They seemed to regret what had happened and Jim was certain deep down they were ashamed of falling for the lies of a Romulan spy.

The starbase was close to the Romulan Neutral Zone, which was from where Ndaga had wanted Tilak to return him to his people. He would still see that this was done, even if all he had was a corpse. Jim had feared an incident, but according to Ndaga the news that the man was dead had caused nothing but a shrug. Jim was still uncertain if Tilak, whatever his real name might be, was indeed a criminal in the Romulans’ eyes or a spy ordered into Federation space, but Spock insisted that chances were he had merely tried to achieve something that would grant him a pardon.

The door to the mess opened and revealed Bones. He’d been delayed because of some incident with Terik in the brig. Jim gave him a questioning look from across the room. Bones made a face and dragged his thumb over his throat. ‘Dead,’ he said when he reached the other three at their table.

‘What? Why?’ Jim asked.

Bones snorted, obviously unfazed by the incident. ‘Flipped the off switch? Ask me. Went into a trance and died. I’d think he’s decided that nothing good can come of the court martial he was facing. A life in prison on some planet far off in the middle of no-where didn’t seem like a nice lookout for him.’

‘Understandable,’ Spock said.

‘Then we have … nothing,’ Jim muttered.

Bones poked a finger at Jim’s chest. ‘Ah, but we do. He talked a lot, apparently guessed he was being recorded. He wants the tapes to be delivered to Vulcan to serve as a lecture. Kept going on how Vulcans aren’t supposed to mix with other species, how he really acted for the greater good and how all this is a horrible injustice inflicted upon him and that people should listen and be grateful for his sacrifice.’

‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say he, too, got that drug from Tilak,’ T’Kray said quietly.

‘Yeah. Sounded like it, but it seems he really believed this. I’m tempted to think he had some mental illness or other. Anyway, I say we give the tapes to the VSA. They’ll do as they see fit.’

‘Anything else he said?’

‘Well, listen to them if you’re into the pathetic ruminations of a fanatic. I think he had no idea that Tilak was a Romulan. That shook him. Didn’t do anything to change his views, though.’

‘Vulcan right wing radicals … If you’d told me such a thing exists I’d never have believed it.’

‘It shouldn’t exist and under normal circumstances the three that were there would never have acted on their ideas,’ T’Kray said. ‘Two of them understand that they were in error, only Terik never realised how wrong he was.’ She smiled faintly. ‘The one I challenged at the lecture actually sent me a formal apology.’

‘You think there’s hope for them?’

‘Indeed.’

‘How’s Charika? Any permanent damage?’

Bones smiled. ‘No, he’s good. Poor man. Any woman getting involved with him isn’t going to have any complaints.’

Jim shook his head. Judging by the look on Bones’s face he knew that he meant something more specific than he let on. ‘How serious is this thing between him and Sereli Zh’Rane? And why do you know and I didn’t?’

Bones’s eyes were sparkling with mischief. ‘Charika’s extended family for me, remember? You don’t have to know everything. And I’d say it’s pretty serious. Oh, speaking of Charika … he asked me why a spy would pick a false name that’s a xenophobic idiom.’ Jim snorted. He’d forgotten that bit. ‘I told him it’s a fairly recent idiom.’ Bones grew serious again. ‘What happens now? We really don’t have much, even with the tapes.’

Jim sighed and raised his hands. ‘No, but the string pullers are both gone. It won’t happen again, and that was what we wanted to make sure of. Personally, I can’t say that I regret that they died. Only that Terik got to choose how. Oh, and you’re in for a promotion, Bones. The ugly nickname will have to wait.’ Two sets of Vulcan eyebrows rose in unison. Jim laughed, especially when Bones’s eyes widened in what looked like shock.

‘What am I being promoted for? Do they know what happened down there?’

T’Kray rolled her eyes. ‘You saved seventeen lives down there, and without you, more people would have been drugged and, as a consequence, they’d have died. Two perished, yes, but they would have anyway.’

‘Four.’

‘You can’t go counting the one whose treatment you never sanctioned or Sinek. Starfleet command has received a very thorough report from the VSA concerning everything that happened in that lab. You deserve this, not a nickname. What nickname, anyway?’

Jim pursed his lips. ‘One that I’ll never allow anyone to give Doctor McCoy, and that includes you, Bones. Anyway, we won’t have much time to dwell on it. We’ll reach Starbase 10 in two days, and then we’re off to an asteroid that has suddenly developed an atmosphere.’

‘That is impossible,’ Spock said with a frown.

Jim beamed at him. ‘That’s why we’re going to take a good hard look. Sounds like a simple, safe mission.’

Bones looked at him in mock terror. ‘If you say that, we’re all doomed.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((So, this is it. It is no more, has ceased to be, is expired and gone to meet … well, not precisely Doctor Chapman. I had a hell of a lot of fun getting all this out of my system, it’s been there for years and years and now I can rest in peace and once more continue working on an actual book I’m planning to get out one day.  
> This was my first science fiction story ever, and I now know that I can do that, too, if I put my mind to it. I also know it’s a hell of a lot of work, but almost all my writing is.  
> I often end with a cliff-hanger, but this deserved a conclusion. If I forgot anything, please do tell me!  
> Now, off you go! Nothing more to see here!  
> Shoo!))


End file.
